Do “Good” Mothers get the Short End of the Stick?

I’ve been placed in the “good” mother category by all of my family, friends and practically by anyone who meets me. (smile) I call it getting credit for doing what I’m suppose to do anyway. I can admit that I do go above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to my children. Not sure if it makes me a “good” mother or not, but that’s what I do. I give, give and give. I never stop giving. Even when and if they don’t deserve it.

Some say that I’m attempting to compensate for the absentee fathers that two of my children are genetically linked to. That may be partially true. I do know that I like to make and see my children happy and excited, and that’s the biggest reason why I am the way that I am with them. There’s not much of anything that I won’t do or give to my children. They know that I undoubtedly have their backs and they can come to me for and about anything.

So, one would think that my children would be your ideal children, right? Get good grades, make their momma proud, jump when I tell them to do something, have the house in order, respect and take great care of all the things that I’ve bought for them, etc., etc., etc.! You’d think that they’d be so grateful and appreciative of the mother that they’ve been blessed with, especially when you measure me up against the mothers of many of their friends., but they’re not!

My children know how their friends feel about not having an attentive mother. They see how crushed their friends are when they speak of their moms and dads not caring about what they do. They’re well aware that their friends come to and also rely on me for some simple things. Their friends don’t get a dinner cooked for them every single night! Their friends don’t have “personal chauffeurs”. Their friends can’t ask their mothers for any and every thing under the sun, and truly expect to get it! They see how it feels to not have a mother vested in you! My children see with their own eyes and know for the themselves, what a good mother is and what a not-so-good mother is. Yet when those same not-so-good mothers come calling. Their children are up and on their way before she can even finish calling their names. When those not-so-good mothers tell their children to do something. It’s done the first time and they don’t dare have to repeat themselves. I see the love that those children have for their not-so-good and non-vested mothers. I also see the mother who has been deemed “good” by all who come in contact with her and who has invested all that she has, and she  doesn’t see (or feel) any of that love emanating from her own children.

I often wonder, am I short-changing myself? I’m seriously going way over my parental obligations, yet there’s a mother right around the corner from me and she’s doing the exact opposite of me, in the parenting category. She’s not loosing a wink of sleep over not being that good of a mother, still her children openly love and respect her to death.

I can’t help but to think, if I were to overindulge in drinking, get into drugs, hang out partying like I’m twenty-one years old, stick the older kids with my baby, put myself first, spend all my money on me and maybe think about them  at the end of every quarter, then maybe I’ll won’t feel so cheated.

Maybe I’m being too sensitive. What are your thoughts?

Am I ever going to get any significant return on the investment that I’m making on my children?

4 Comments

Filed under blogging, children, Family, mommy blogger, Motherhood, Mothering, Parenting, Raising Teenagers, Uncategorized

4 responses to “Do “Good” Mothers get the Short End of the Stick?

  1. It’s a double edged sword…our children must know that we’re always there for them, and when they do, they tend to take Mom for granted. With age comes appreciation. All that said, there’s really nothing wrong with putting yourself first every now and then (in a way that does not endanger or neglect your children, of course). I think it’s good to have a little wake up call that Mom needs things/time/whatever for herself, as well. Keep up the great work, one day your kids will realize all you have given to them.

    • Thanks Shel for the comment. I am definitely trying to find the middle ground. I am aware that I’ve created these monsters, now I just have to make myself take the middle ground. “Don’t over give, yet give just enough!” Thanks again for the wonderful words!

  2. Lately, you been writing my thoughts. Last night my kids made me feel horrible by be smart asses in front of guest. I was shame. I am like you go over board for my children and they don’t seem to appreciate at all. Yet, tells me how so & so mother doesn’t do the good things I do. I almost told them to pack their shit and call their non-active father. Of course I didn’t because we have already tried that and it lasted only 2 months before he dropped them back off. My younger two doesn’t give me a hard time like the oldest tho. I say we need to stand firm, stop giving them all the extras and allow them to see we don’t have to do all that if they are not going to do their part as children.

    • That’s exactly what I’m grasping a hold of, we’re doing too much. They don’t have to earn anything and they think that they’re entitled to all the extra. I’m seriously coming to grip with putting a stop to all of the giving. To get, they’re going to have to earn……I just have to remind myself of that! =)
      I hate that any of us our going through this, but I’m glad it’s not just me. So glad to have other who can relate to what I’m saying. Thanks for the comment.

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