Last night while talking on the phone to my mom she asked, “So how’s everything going down there?” I replied, “Everything is good. We’re all inside now! Just winding down!” I could tell that the wheels in her head were just’a spinning away. So I asked her, “Why? What’s up?” She answered, “Oh nothing. Where’s Mario?” It was then that my suspicions were confirmed. He’d mentioned earlier that he’d phoned her. He must’ve said something to her about something, and that something had her thinking, and she wanted to see what she could get out of me, without directly asking me first! I finally just asked, “What did he say when he called you?” She answered, “He asked if could he come back here.”
Admittedly, I was a bit caught off guard and my feelings were just a wee bit hurt. Mainly because he and I had just been chitchatting and he made no mention of wanting to go back to our previous home. Plus, he thought better of calling my mom, his grandma, whose nearly fourteen hundred miles away, while I was sitting there in the same space as he.
Once the phone call with my mom ended I immediately went in on my oldest son. I nonchalantly suggested several different people and places that he could call, to see if they’d give him a place to stay back in Detroit. After relaying my list of potential boarders to him, I removed myself from the space that we shared and I went to be by myself. I needed to be solo and in my own space. I needed to think, ponder and rationalize all the things running through my head.
After my alone time, I came to the realization that I’m doing my very best. In fact, I’m doing better than my best! None of my children have any logical reason to be unhappy. I have picked up and left everything that I’ve ever known behind, in order to give my children the best possible chance at succeeding. I’ve moved them from a place of mass uncertainty to a place that has all the opportunity in the world. They go to schools in the top school district, they’re playing instruments, they’re in ALL the extracurricular activities that they wanted to be in, they have new friends, we have new transportation, we basically live on a resort — we can go outside and feel absolutely safe and comfortable. There aren’t any gun shots ringing out, there aren’t any drug addicts, drug dealers, abandoned or dilapidated houses. We’re not worried about break-ins when we leave our home. We are surrounded by beauty and peace! Truthfully it costs me way more to live down here than it did in Detroit, so from a financial standpoint, and if this move were all about me, I’d still be in Detroit. But to have the peace of mind that I do when any of them leave out the front door; to have access to this education and all the opportunity that comes with being enrolled in nationally recognized schools; to have this comfort, to be this at ease, to be this happy, to live…and to live this quality of life, I’d spend every red cent, every single month, without any hesitation! Sacrifices are what mothers make each and every single day, and I’m no different.
Every decision that I’ve made, I’ve made with my children’s best intentions in mind. I know that I have and I continue to give my very best, so that each of my children will reach their very best, and for that I will never feel guilty!
Soon he’ll completely understand