Monthly Archives: February 2012

Online Dating for this almost Single Mama

For the last few weeks, one of my good girlfriends has been relentlessly pushing for me to try online dating. “You need to meet some new people!” Is what she tells me. That’s immediately followed by, “Just give it a try! It’s so fun!” Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! My response is always, “Nah! That’s not for me. I’ll just focus on the relationship that I’m in.” Blah, blah, blah, blah!                                                                                         Now my girlfriend, she’s very spontaneous and I’m a watcher. She’ll just go for it. Whereas with me, it takes a long time (sometimes years) before I can develop a meaningful relationship of any kind and with ANYone. That includes friendships, coworkers, associates, neighbors, etc. I’ve always been this way, but I’m even more like this because of the fact that I have children. I’m very cautious as to who I allow into my space because whatever happens (be it good or bad) affects me and the four of them.                                                                                                              Getting back to the topic of online dating, not that I was ever consciously considering it in the least bit, but why did I hear of three online dating nightmares within two days? (head cocked to the side). One lady wound up with a deranged stalker on her hands, another was out $7,000 and the last woman, was swindled out of her newborn baby. I guess if my subconscious was in any way reconsidering and rehashing the idea of giving online dating a try, these back-to-back-to-back incidences put a halt to that! Hearing those stories assured me that I’ve made the best decision. I’m sure there’s many success stories when it comes to online dating, and you can meet a crazy just about anywhere these days. You don’t have to go online to run across that problem. My overall point is, I’m going to stick to what and who I (already) know. It works for me. Albeit, my current relationship has transitioned into being a long distance one, it’s still mines and it’s working (at least today it is). As for online dating and this almost single mama, I’ll just leave that for those who are more optimistic than I. Happy Dating!

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Me on 2/15/2012

Morning after Valentine’s Day, last time I’ll ever spend a mushy holiday all alone, meaing “without a companion” alone. Not a card, not a call, not even a single rose petal–usually I feel no particular way about those kinds of days, but this year’s different.

Oldest two children up and out. Both make it on time to their respective bus stops. Tip-toeing around trying desperately to keep the volume to a minimum, don’t wanna wake the younger two children, before it’s absolutely necessary.

Doggie duty calls!

Warm, foggy very misty outside, yet the temperature is absolutely perfect. 70° and the sun hasn’t even rose.

Youngest two children still asleep! In that case, time for meditation!. I’ma do at least 20 minutes.

9 minutes later calling to check the balance on my credit card.

Enough available to go to the  supermarket.

Wake ’em up, clean ’em up, load ’em up!

Fill the cart to the brim, fingers crossed hope my card’s not declined (maybe I should put some stuff back!)

Breezed through the checkout line (by the skin of my teeth)

Home to unpack and put the groceries away (I bought ice crean, otherwise everything would’ve sat out waiting on those oler two to get home)

Water boiling in the kettle, ready for my tea. Foregoing the usual cappuccino this morning.

Online I go.

Games I’ll play, DM’s I’ll send until I can’t put my work off any longer.

Occupy the kiddies long to professionally answer calls.

Correspond via e-mail and Skype with my team.

Patiently waiting on more incoming calls

while I wait,  I imagine my next “morning after”  Valentine’s Day.

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Backseat Parenting

Freedom. I didn’t know the word existed  (let alone applied it to my life) until I was well beyond my adolescent years. Privacy. I had it growing up (to a certain extent), yet I always knew that at any given moment my parents reserved the right to invade the wee bit that I had, for any reason and under any circumstance. I knew that my parents extended certain privileges to me because I earned them, not because I was entitled to them! The line was clearly drawn in the sand for my brother and I, and we knew just how close we could get to that line before all hell broke loose. There’s absolutely no way that any of the teens of this current generation would’ve survived in any household (that I know of) back when I was coming up. American children have done a complete flip on being reared in the 21st century. Being a child is definitely nothing like it use to be. The parenting has become seriously loosened, as have the way that our children carry themselves. Every other week and month, there’s a different person they’re calling “my boyfriend/my girlfriend” or refer to as “we’re going out”. They’re allowed to hang around and befriend people who they have no business even knowing. Kids have records and mug shots on file. For the most part, children today have complete and total say over their lives and decisions, while the parents take a backseat!

In my household, I have four children. I am raising my children to know that we’re in this together, life that is. Your life is not your own. What you do has a direct impact on our entire family unit, therefore we make (and will continue to make) a lot of our decisions together as a family. We take everyone and everything into consideration when it comes decision-making. As the matriarch of this family unit, I have set expectations and standards. My children know what and whose acceptable. When it comes to being social. They know who I’ll approve of them being friends with, and who doesn’t have a shot at making the cut, before even bringing them to me. They know that our family name means a lot to us, and we will not allow it to be tainted and tarnished by foolishness. So no! You can not date this guy/girl today, and then tomorrow date this guy/girl, or “go out” as kids like to refer to it. No, you can’t get in the car with that person! Can’t “just no any ol’ body” join our circle! I’ve worked hard  and invested a lot into my family and I’m very protective when it comes to maintaining it, as should every parent.

I adopted this way of living more than a decade ago, after seeing the success of my friends’ families, who are of Middle Eastern, Asian and Indian descent, and how they structure and live. I learned over the years that structure, expectations and standards must be set, otherwise things are bound to go bad.  You’re bound to be entangled in madness, have your family name drug through the mud,  and your offspring feeding into horrific temptation when you allow children to have complete control and say so over their lives. Too much room for infiltration is allowed when the boundaries aren’t clearly set! Children are incapable of making rash decisions, which is why they have been given parents. As parents, we can not take a backseat, while they attempt to steer themselves through this thing called life. It’s our duty to be all up in what they think is “their business”. We have to. We have no other choice! My feeling is, if we set firm expectations we’ll save them. We’ll save them from making the wrong choice of person, when it comes to dating. We’ll save them from abusive relationship. We’ll save them from underage drinking and drug use. We will save them from getting into a vehicle without that “friend” when they shouldn’t. We’ll save from gaining a criminal record. We will save them, and possibility our families, from a lot of hurt and unnecessary pain.

As for me, so far so good. My children are serious when they say, that I will help them decide on who their mates will be, when that time comes. They don’t want to disappoint me and because of that, they’re very conscious of their actions. This is how we’ve been living our lives and I haven’t had a single issue regarding drugs, drinking, sex, sneaking, or deceitfulness. My children and I have relationships where we talk, and actually exchange dialog with one another. I ask the hard questions, as do they. We’re honest and they know that I’m open for whatever.

I know that what’s working for me, may not necessarily work for the next family……..but it’s definitely worth giving a try. It’s time to take our children and our families back, by any means necessary!

PEACE & many Blessings to you and your family

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Keeping with Tradition

 

My four and I (and Dooney, the dog) have been undergoing a huge transition for the last six months, with our relocating from Detroit to Houston. For the most part, we’re all pretty much settled in and happy with our super-duper big move. Sunday proved that, when the five of us (and Dooney, the dog) gathered for our yearly tradition of watching the Superbowl together. From the singing of the National Anthem until the clock strikes triple zeros at the end of the fourth quarter we all sit, watch, root for our team of choice, talk, eat, laugh and rate the commercials together. I’m not sure how much longer this tradition (with the five of us……and Dooney, the dog) will last, seeing that my oldest is soon to be fifteen, and he’s not too far from coming into his own. I get a wee bit emotional when I think about our traditions, such as delving into the spirit of the Superbowl, becoming null, void and potentially meaningless to them as they get older and come into their own. (Deep sigh) Guess I can’t and shouldn’t dwell on the “what if” times of the future, but enjoy the here, now and all the traditions that we have at this moment….and the fact, that we’re planting roots, as well as traditions in our new home! So! Here’s to keeping with tradition all the way down in Texas! *CHEERS*

 

Congrats to the New York Giants!

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