There used to be a time when I would get this little tingling of envy in my heart, whenever I would passed by a pregnant woman. Their pregnancy would cause me to reflect back on the good parts of my own pregnancies and I’d wish I could do all of those good parts over again. I would find myself missing the feeling of having a little fist punching and those little feet kicking on the underside of my abdomen, as baby would attempt to get as comfortable as possible in such a little quaint space. Most of all, I missed the niceness and smiles from strangers that a pregnant belly tends to bring out of people. Just like a smile is universal, a wobbling pregnant woman tends to have that same effect.
Well, I guess it took four pregnancies of my own and now having an extreme toddler on my hands, to completely extinguish any form of pregnancy envy. I learned that I no longer harbored these feelings just the other day when I was walking through the mall and encountered several very pregnant bellies. All that I could think about as each of our paths crossed was the heavy, leaking and oftentimes sore and engorged boobs. that comes post delivery. I kept thinking about that painful, paralyzing and inflamed sciatic nerve that most fetuses enjoy pressing against. I reminisced about the sleepless nights, where baby and I both cried relentlessly. I remembered all the times that I reasoned with God, if he’d just get me through the extreme fatigueness, 0r somehow out of the ENTIRE situation that I’d NEVER allow myself to get there again. Those are all of the things that crept into my thoughts when the very pregnant women made their ways by me. I gave each of them that same universal smile that people would give to me back when I was with child, thus silently wishing them luck on their mommyhood endeavors!
I smile because I’m genuinely happy for them, at the same time I’m extremely excited that it’s not me!