Grieving Anew….

I’m not big on death. Who is, huh?

I don’t deal with death at all. I ignore it and keep on. I refuse to give much energy to it. I don’t go view bodies. I don’t go to funerals. I don’t sit around mourning (at least not for very long). Usually I direct all of my energy towards the happy times, and I remember the individual how I last seen them. That’s my approach when it comes to dealing with the crushing blow that death always deals.

But, this time was different. Very different.

It wasn’t only me who was forced to deal with this completely unexpected and devastating lost of life.  My youngest son was also pulled into the madness. In all actuality he was much more affected than even I — because he lost his father. Thus, I didn’t have the option of ignoring or shutting the matter of death out. I was forced out of my usual routine and into a very inconvenient position of having to deal with death.

Long story short,

My son turns out to be a lot like me. He doesn’t want to be sad and he doesn’t want to sit around crying however, he does want to talk about it in snippets.

So whenever the urge hits him, he’ll ask a question, make a statement or just come lay his head on my lap. And me?  I fully engage with him. I follow his lead. Whatever and wherever that may be.

His way of dealing with this, it’s not all that bad. It has actually helped me to deal with yet another unexpected death (YES! Barely a week later, death reared its ugly head in my space again!).

Thanks for each and every comment, thought, suggestion and prayer. All has been truly appreciated!

 

Be sure to tune in for a guest blog entitled “A Day at the Houston Zoo” constructed by my eight year old son, Patrick!

 

 

6 Comments

Filed under children, Family, Life, mommy blogger, Motherhood, Mothering, Parenting, Uncategorized

6 responses to “Grieving Anew….

  1. You are doing such a great job–the fact that you THINK that you don’t have the option to ignore it or deal with it in your own way is so telling of the type of mother you are. You COULD deal with your own grief first, but that is not an option for you because you are such a great mom! My own mother had a very hard life and when people died (my sister, my step-father, her grandfather, her uncle…) she was unable to deal with it and simply acted like they never existed. HER coping mechanism was not to cope, but there were children involved who lost their father and their sister and were unable to ever really grieve properly because those people simply disappeared from our lives. As an adult I understand that there is only so much that one person can take and that had my mother really dealt with all of her loss, she wouldn’t have been able to parent the rest of us (including the four children who had just lost their father) at the age of twenty-two and I completely get it–I can barely take care of my OWN children at forty without all of the loss–but you should be proud of how strong you are and of what a great parent you are for putting your son’s needs first. I have no doubt that you are all going to come out of this okay in time–it will always hurt, but some day that hurt will become a dull ache and talking about it–keeping the memories alive–will make the hurt go away much more quickly!

    • I apologize for not responding sooner. This dag blasted thingy mado put your comments in the spam folder. o_O Thanks so much for your comment and compliment. It means so much to me.

  2. I’m so sorry to hear of another death that you are dealing with. Back in 1992 I went to three family funerals in less than 2 weeks. It was terrible. Hope things get better for you soon. Saying a little prayer for you!

    • Thanks so much Dana. You are really awesome and your words always find me at the right time. I’ve officially put a period after this last tragedy. Things will go up from here. I’m claiming it! Thanks again! (Hug)

  3. Thank you for sharing the importance of meeting the needs of our children. I will have to stretch myself to be there in the circumstance that their father’s death precedes mine. Very wise to let your son lead in this circumstance.

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