Category Archives: Aging

20 Years Already?

Yesterday I was on a conference call with about eight members from my graduating class of 1994. We were discussing our upcoming two decade class reunion. Even though it’s still two years away, we’re starting to prepare and get things in order now.

While it was exciting to engage and hear the familiar voices of my fellow ’94 Mackenzie Stags, it was then, during that call, when reality snuck up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder.

“It’s been twenty years? It’s been twenty years! I’ve been out of school twenty years? I’ve been out of school for twenty years! OH, MY GOD!

Right then and there, my entire body was consumed with goose bumps at the realization that so much time has indeed passed.

To be more exact, it has been eighteen years, one month and eighteen days since Mackenzie’s graduating class of 1994 gathered at the Chene Park Amphitheater, in downtown Detroit, right smack dab in the middle of a heat wave, to signify the successful completion of our “wonder years”. It would be the last time that all three hundred and eleven graduating seniors would ever be together under one roof. I remember the entire scenario being such a big deal to me, so much so, that I cried and sniffled nonstop, throughout the ceremony.

I sat there rationalizing the fact that, I’d gone to school with these people for the last four years, some for even longer than that. I’d formed a bond with these people. They were very much a part of my daily life, as I was theirs. We were truly a family. Now I was being forced to let go and move into my own destiny by myself, and without them?

Those are the thoughts that consumed my mind on that extremely hot and sticky graduation day.

Here comes the infamous cliché: “Seems like only yesterday” that I was actually living that moment, expressing those feeling, crying those tears and coming to those realizations.

It’s been nearly twenty years and it’s good to know that some things never change. Everything that I felt on June 15, 1994 all came back to me yesterday as I sat, listening in on that conference call.

I smiled as I listened to the grown-up versions of those same ’94 Stags as we compromised, made plans and took on responsibilities. I chuckled as jokes were made, as teeny tiny jabs and sweet natured pot shots were taken. I was so relieved that we were able to successfully pick right up where we left off, nearly two decades ago earlier. Everyone was them same, just as I remembered them.

Yes! Twenty years post-high school graduation is steadfast approaching and I’m so welcoming of it, so much has been accomplished and there’s so many worthwhile memories left to be made!

Admittedly, I was feeling old at just the mention of a twenty year high school class reunion, but just the fact that I’m still here and able to participate is also worth celebrating!

Embracing the maturation!

 

Some of David Mackenzie’s graduating class of ’94

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Filed under Adulthood, Aging, blogging, Change, Family, Life, mommy blogger, Uncategorized

Scatterbrain

I reached my mid-30’s sixty-five days ago exactly and I have a feeling of lostness that I’ve never felt before, not even in my younger adolescent years! I’m questioning everything. Am I a good mother? Did I make a mistake moving, and moving so far away? Should I move back home?

I’m starting things and I’m not finishing them. My book is the prime example of that. My mind is running a hundred miles an hour. That’s probably why I’m unable to contribute anything significant to my novel! I’m not even finishing any of  the complete thoughts that our loitering about my head. I’ve never felt like this before and I have no idea of how I should deal with it.

My mind is cluttered. My car is cluttered. My bedroom and closet are in a total disarray. My purse is quite empty, too! The only stuff I carry around in there are things that are quite insignificant! All of these things are a direct reflection of my life and my mind. I’m truly wondering if I’ve somehow grown into being ADD. Is that possible? Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot about Adult ADD. Self diagnosing: I have all of the symptoms! YIKES!

I’ve been the epitome of health my entire life, and I sure don’t want that to change now! My gut is trying to tell me one thing, but I can’t (or don’t want to) focus long enough to look into the matter with my doctor!

I guess what I’m hoping is that I’m just still going through the rough transitional phase of relocating, as well as the stress of raising three of my four children completely on my own. I just want to be told that I’m overwhelmed and that all of this madness will soon pass. This is my last attempt to make some sense of what’s going on with me, before getting a medical diagnoses. Any thoughts? Suggestions? Similar experiences? Please share.

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Filed under Adulthood, Aging, Family, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

Writing Hiatus….Over!

Ahhhhhh……

alas the self-inflicted torture of not being allowed to write is finally over and done with! Whew! My consistent readers and blog followers may have noticed my absence from the blogging world, these last few weeks, and I promise not to leave you again. Well, I went on a hiatus from writing because I’d gotten to the point where I was unfocused and I started taking it for granted. My attitude towards my gift of writing became extremely lackluster, and as a result my writing become monotone, mediocre and inconsistent. I needed time to miss it so that I could in return, begin to respect and appreciate it….again!

Opportune Day!

I chose today as my day of re-entry to the world of writing because it also marks the 35th year of my original birth. Today is the day of my initial birth, as well as my rebirth. It’s the day that I start utilizing and taking advantage of the gifts given to me. Today is the day that I start implementing the balance between being Mariann and being the mommy.  It’s the day that I stop allowing my past bad choices to hold me hostage! Today is the day that I get over it, and move on! It’s the day that I stop over thinking and over-analyzing every situation. I’m in the “second quarter” of my life and I have a huge gap to close before I reach “half time”. Today is the day that I begin enjoying all that I’ve accomplished thus far. It’s today that I’ll begin appreciating where I am, and where I’m soon to go!

….so Thankful for another chance, at getting it right!

 

 

 

 

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Change. Do I have the Right?

Yesterday evening I discovered my second strand of white hair. I was so shocked to see it, that I accidentally dislodged it from my head. After looking at it for a few seconds I chucked it away. Long after analyzing the single strand of white hair I found myself feeling some kind of way. That single strand of short white hair forced me to realize that I’m changing. Each and every day, I’m changing. With every passing moment and second, I am changing. Not just aging, but I’m changing. I’m changing from this person that I’ve known for so long to someone brand new. What I’m wondering is, do I have the right? Do I have the right to change and evolve into someone new, someone with different expectations, perspectives and perceptions? Is it fair to undergo this extreme metamorphosis, then expect those who’ve been a long-term part of my life, to get in line with the new me?

As I’m getting older, I’m starting to change into this woman, whom I’ve never wanted any part of before. I’m starting to be less hard and rough around the edges, and more soft, sweet and motherly. I’m less impatient and temperamental.  I’m beginning to desire affection and love, when before I would push that form of closeness away. Having a relationship with my soul mate, and having him here with me at the end of the day seems to have become one of my top priorities. The question that I keep coming back to is, do I have the right to ask and/or require something different from him, after having our relationship work so well after all of these years? Is it selfish of me to change things up right smack dab in the middle of our adventure together, especially when this is and has been working so well for us? Well, just as I keep being bombarded by the same questions I also keep arriving at the same conclusion, change is inevitable. In lots of cases, there’s no control over change, for instance my white strands of hair, or my children growing into their own independence.  We don’t get a whole lot of say-so when it comes to change, yet it’s bound to happen, and we have no choice other than to accept it.

Though it’s different from my usual norm, I’m starting to embrace the changes that are going on with my body, in my mind, and with my heart…..I might as well, seeing that they’re going to happen with or without my blessing. I’m learning to savour the taste of unforeseen circumstances, in fact I’m developing an acquired palette for them.

I want what I want, and I still am who I am…while constantly evolving!

…..and YES! I have every right!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkJ15mN6nUc

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Filed under Adulthood, Aging, Change, Feelings, Life, Observations, Thoughts