Category Archives: Life

Farewell 2012, its been swell

I did a mental recap of my 2012 and I’ve concluded that my good definitely outweighed my bad. That probably sounds so cliché, but it’s my truth.
I’d actually made myself say a verbal thank you (aloud) for every recollected instance or situation that I’d placed in my “good” column. Close to three hours had passed before I started nearing the end of my good list.
By that time, tears were streaming down my face.  I realized then that I didn’t even have close to enough thank you’s in me to match all of the good that I’d (along with my children) experienced over the course of 2012.
Of course, some unfavorable and not-so-good things happened during the course of the year, but they were so far few and in-between. In no way did they account for much, when I matched them up against everything that I’ve been blessed with.
But instead of focusing on those unfavorable things, I chose (and am continuing to choose) to reflect and energize all of the good positive things. That’s what I want more of!
My life is really good.  I didn’t have a clue of how good it actually was until I challenged myself, the other day, to recollect as much of my good as I could.
Each of our lives are good.
I challenge you to reflect on all of the good that has happened on your behalf and say a few thank you’s. Just watch how innumerable they are! Bet you’ll be amazed, too!

2012 Closing

To all of my loyal, returning, new and 1st-time readers: Thanks for all of your support. I appreciate each of you more than you’ll ever know! I look forward to sharing more of my family’s stories and life happenings with you in the upcoming year. My intentions are to be more consistent as a writer, storyteller and as a reader. So, here’s to us! May our 2013 be filled with abundance, lots of great stories, happiness, meeting of goals, success and PEACE!
Oh 2012! Here is where I bid thee a sweet farewell…..it’s been swell!

From my family

the littlest gal

The Littlest Gal!
(One half of the Little’s)

Day in the Park 020

The Littlest Boy
(Remaining half of the Little’s)

photo (4)

The Biggest Gal
(One half of the Big’s)

boy with an earring 2

The Biggest Boy
(Remaining half of the Big’s)

mepic.jpg

It’s Me!
The Momma!

 

to yours!

Have an extremely

Happy New Year!

See you all in 2013

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Filed under blogging, Life, Uncategorized

Too Late Now

No kidding. When I first saw him I knew that he was going to change my life. I had no idea how, but I knew he would, that was February 2001.
December 2003 I gave birth to our son.
That was the day that he officially fell in love with me, and for the first time in thirty years, he was happy. Can you believe that? He’d never known happiness in three decades of “living”.
Witnessing the intensity of labor,
nearly losing consciousness as the epidural was being given,
watching the debut of our son,
cutting the umbilical cord and learning that our baby will indeed be his namesake,
collectively, that allowed him to finally know what it felt like to be happy. If only momentarily and in spurts over the next eight years, he’d finally have his own personal stories of happiness to reflect upon.

Our son would be his first and only (biological) child.
He and I would be the reasons why love and happiness were able to exist in such a damage, hurt and overly guarded space.
For that, we’re eternally grateful.

Many conversations were exchanged between he and I about love and happiness, from the time our son was born up until four days before he perished.
It’s obvious to everyone who knows us, that I loved him from early on and he loved me and our child up until the very end.
A rather unique situation for me. One that I’m sure I’ll never have again.

Last words to me: I’ll always love you for what you’ve given me…
Last words to our son: Always remember your daddy loves you. Alright? Love ya’ boy!

I’ve had  six months to assess, reassess and asses all over again, the relationship that he and I had. It’s completely clear how he changed my life.
I’m able to confirm that I’ve never had any love for anyone (outside of my children, of course!) other than him.
That was the first and only time that I’ve loved someone.

But what good are my words and acknowledging these truths, when he’s not here to hear them?
It’s too late now.

 

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Filed under Life, Motherhood, Mothering, Parenting, Uncategorized

One Year Ago….

….the four little’s, Dooney the dog,  and I arrived, for the very first time, to our new home and the state of Texas!

 

It’s hard to believe that an entire three hundred and sixty-five days have already passed since we transitioned our lives from Michigan and away from everyone that we knew. It was and remains one of the hardest (and necessary) decisions of my life…..our lives.

Admittedly, relocating wasn’t as easy as it may come across. I had to deal with the school district wanting to place my littlest son back a grade level, my oldest boy experienced extreme culture and identity shock, while being in the midst of adolescence. My biggest gal was jockeying for her position in our family unit (which has been a huge headache), all this I endured daily, while chasing a 1-year-old toddler around from sun up to sun back down. Those are just the issues that I had to deal with concerning my children. I won’t even get into my own “grown-up adult” struggles. But, whatever the case, we made it! Happily and with a smile adorning my face, I can declare that we have, indeed, made it!

We have accomplished another one of the many goals that we’ve set for ourselves as a family, and it feels so good! Initially, we struggled to find our “Texas” footing, but we have managed to get on track. Everyone is happy and we have set lots of new goals for ourselves.

I definitely wanted to express how proud I am of us and thank everyone who has traveled this journey alongside us. My family back home, thanks for supporting my decision and us, as we transitioned. Thanks to everyone who rooted, pulled and prayed for us. Most importantly, thank you for tuning in to read, support, give advice and express your opinions on my blog posts.

I look forward to moving ahead with everyone continuing alongside us! Lots more adventures to come!

Us making our way to the Great State of TEXAS!

Us again! Really just getting started out on the road!

 

 

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20 Years Already?

Yesterday I was on a conference call with about eight members from my graduating class of 1994. We were discussing our upcoming two decade class reunion. Even though it’s still two years away, we’re starting to prepare and get things in order now.

While it was exciting to engage and hear the familiar voices of my fellow ’94 Mackenzie Stags, it was then, during that call, when reality snuck up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder.

“It’s been twenty years? It’s been twenty years! I’ve been out of school twenty years? I’ve been out of school for twenty years! OH, MY GOD!

Right then and there, my entire body was consumed with goose bumps at the realization that so much time has indeed passed.

To be more exact, it has been eighteen years, one month and eighteen days since Mackenzie’s graduating class of 1994 gathered at the Chene Park Amphitheater, in downtown Detroit, right smack dab in the middle of a heat wave, to signify the successful completion of our “wonder years”. It would be the last time that all three hundred and eleven graduating seniors would ever be together under one roof. I remember the entire scenario being such a big deal to me, so much so, that I cried and sniffled nonstop, throughout the ceremony.

I sat there rationalizing the fact that, I’d gone to school with these people for the last four years, some for even longer than that. I’d formed a bond with these people. They were very much a part of my daily life, as I was theirs. We were truly a family. Now I was being forced to let go and move into my own destiny by myself, and without them?

Those are the thoughts that consumed my mind on that extremely hot and sticky graduation day.

Here comes the infamous cliché: “Seems like only yesterday” that I was actually living that moment, expressing those feeling, crying those tears and coming to those realizations.

It’s been nearly twenty years and it’s good to know that some things never change. Everything that I felt on June 15, 1994 all came back to me yesterday as I sat, listening in on that conference call.

I smiled as I listened to the grown-up versions of those same ’94 Stags as we compromised, made plans and took on responsibilities. I chuckled as jokes were made, as teeny tiny jabs and sweet natured pot shots were taken. I was so relieved that we were able to successfully pick right up where we left off, nearly two decades ago earlier. Everyone was them same, just as I remembered them.

Yes! Twenty years post-high school graduation is steadfast approaching and I’m so welcoming of it, so much has been accomplished and there’s so many worthwhile memories left to be made!

Admittedly, I was feeling old at just the mention of a twenty year high school class reunion, but just the fact that I’m still here and able to participate is also worth celebrating!

Embracing the maturation!

 

Some of David Mackenzie’s graduating class of ’94

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Filed under Adulthood, Aging, blogging, Change, Family, Life, mommy blogger, Uncategorized

You’re Grown, Huh?

It’s not to often that my biggest girl does anything shocking or anything that’ll cause my jaw to drop. For the most part, she wants to stay on my good side and off of my blog and social media rants. She treads very lightly. She knows exactly how far to go before the wrath of momma comes in and takes over. So, imagine my surprise when my “conscientious” child took it upon herself to make a decision without being totally certain that she had my 100% guaranteed approval.  Needless to say, the biggest girl has made finally made her “it’s all about you…and not in a good way” blog post debut!

Well, about a month back my soon-to-be 14 year old,  made a decision unbeknownst to me. It was a choice that left me at a complete lost for words. I was so shocked that my jaw did actually drop. I was so shocked that I’m only now able to write a post about it!

This is how the oldest gal has looked for the last two years. This is who we’re all used to seeing on a daily basis. Okay? And like this:

One night while I was sitting out at the fire pit enjoying the company of a few friends and spirits, she and the littlest boy came over to reveal that she now looks like this!

(eye bulges practically out of my head!)

Here’s another view!

Oh! And, here’s a black and white view. Yeah, she’s taking black and white photos, too! 0_O

Although cutting her hair was something that we’d briefly discussed. I was shocked that she went and did it without me. I also felt like she did it sneakily because she waited until I was outside of the house and fully engaged with friends. Then she came strutting over to the fire pit area where we were sitting with a hoodie on, let me remind you that it was 80+ degrees outside. When I questioned her about the hoodie that’s when she  revealed her “haircut”.

Smart girl, huh? To do her big reveal while I was surrounded by people who would downplay the situation and keep me calm? She had it all well planned out, if I must say so.

I guess more than anything this hair cutting situation made me realize that my biggest gal is closer to be grown up, than she is to being a baby. She’s branching out more, becoming her own person, liking her own things and using her voice…..(respectfully, of course!)

So, I am learning to loosen up and let go a little bit. I always thought I’d welcome stages like this, but I’m more sad than I am happy.

It’s not about her cutting her hair, its way bigger than that.

She’s not my little four pound, twelve ounce preemie anymore. She’s growing up.

It was bound to happen!

 

 

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Filed under blogging, Change, children, Family, Life, mommy blogger, Motherhood, Mothering, Parenting, Raising Teenagers, Uncategorized

Piercings and Tattoos? My Boy? NO WAY!

It’s no surprise that the oldest boy has increased the amount of pressure and stepped up his daily harassment, hoping desperately to sway me into saying, “Yes. You can go get a tattoo, son!”

See, he thinks it was his tactic of never-ending harassment  that worked in his favor several weeks ago, when I finally allowed him to get his ears pierced (after three years of nonstop asking). He hasn’t figured out that it wasn’t because of his begging, constant pleading and nagging which caused him to receive my blessing with the piercing of the ears. I only said yes because I felt that he’d put enough time and thought into “why” he really wanted his ears pierced.

I have an extremely huge problem when it comes to fads and that “going along with the crowd” mentality. I don’t participate in trends and I refuse to let my child be part of a trend. I wanted to be absolutely certain that he wasn’t doing something because it’s popular or because all of his buddies are doing it, which is why it took me several years before saying yes. For me, his reason for wanting his ears pierced had to be something that he deeply desired to do with no outside influences. He doesn’t know it, but the same thing applies to getting a tattoo. I wouldn’t care if he got tattoo after tattoo after tattoo. Heck! My mom took me to get my first tattoo when I just sixteen years old, so of course I don’t have a problem with them. My only concern was, his reason behind wanting tattoos and ear piercings.

It’s been close to the two-year mark of his just having to “have a tattoo”. He’s thought it through and through. He’s even constructed what he wants to get and he’s explained the significance behind it. I must admit that it’s quite unique and I’ve never seen anyone with anything like it before. I’m pretty proud of him. Everything that I’ve instilled in him about being different, standing out, individuality and embracing his unique identity, he’s gotten it! Through both of these incidences I finally see that all of my efforts haven’t been in vain afterall.

I think it’s safe to say, the time has come for me to grant my oldest boy my blessing yet again. Tattoo numero uno soon to come!

 

My first tattoo (it’s now 19 years old). My youngest boy took this pic. Thank him for the flash and time stamp! #dontblameme

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Grieving Anew….

I’m not big on death. Who is, huh?

I don’t deal with death at all. I ignore it and keep on. I refuse to give much energy to it. I don’t go view bodies. I don’t go to funerals. I don’t sit around mourning (at least not for very long). Usually I direct all of my energy towards the happy times, and I remember the individual how I last seen them. That’s my approach when it comes to dealing with the crushing blow that death always deals.

But, this time was different. Very different.

It wasn’t only me who was forced to deal with this completely unexpected and devastating lost of life.  My youngest son was also pulled into the madness. In all actuality he was much more affected than even I — because he lost his father. Thus, I didn’t have the option of ignoring or shutting the matter of death out. I was forced out of my usual routine and into a very inconvenient position of having to deal with death.

Long story short,

My son turns out to be a lot like me. He doesn’t want to be sad and he doesn’t want to sit around crying however, he does want to talk about it in snippets.

So whenever the urge hits him, he’ll ask a question, make a statement or just come lay his head on my lap. And me?  I fully engage with him. I follow his lead. Whatever and wherever that may be.

His way of dealing with this, it’s not all that bad. It has actually helped me to deal with yet another unexpected death (YES! Barely a week later, death reared its ugly head in my space again!).

Thanks for each and every comment, thought, suggestion and prayer. All has been truly appreciated!

 

Be sure to tune in for a guest blog entitled “A Day at the Houston Zoo” constructed by my eight year old son, Patrick!

 

 

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Filed under children, Family, Life, mommy blogger, Motherhood, Mothering, Parenting, Uncategorized