I just don’t want to let them down!
No parent does.
In case you’re not sure what’s different, the boy got both his ears pierced, at the mall, last night. Not entirely sure how I’m feeling about it. Didn’t want him to do it (never wanted either of my son’s to have pierced ears) but he’s old enough to give a compelling argument as to why he wanted his ears pierced…..plus, he’d successfully convinced his grandmother of it, too.
It could be worse, huh?
For a person whose never had a jealous or envious bone in her body, I’m sure getting swamped with a lot of ’em nowadays, huh? Well, here goes:
I’ll be the first to say that I’m rather envious of all my family members and friends (all of which are single mothers….just really realized that! Hmm) who are becoming empty-nesters or who are at least getting some of their children “out-of-the-way”. Now there! I said it…. well, typed it!
I am so longing to have just a little teeny tiny wee bit of the freedom and life that they’re about to have.
Only to come and go as I please, without having to check that everyone is buckled snuggly in the backseat. No lugging of diaper bags, strollers and extra changes of clothes. No booster and car seats. Only me. I could play my music as loudly as I want to, without a tiny hand tapping me on the shoulder to ask me a question that only a little person would ask. I could downsize from my massive SUV to a cute little foreign…..well maybe not foreign…..but a fancy smancy AMERICAN convertible sports car. OMG! Here’s the biggie: there’d be no more loose french fries dropped under or between the cracks of the seats! No more wrappers, clothes, shoes or trash sprawled all over my back seats. The carpet wouldn’t be trampled upon and the seats would bear no accidental pencil markings. Oh! That’ll be the life!
I yearn to stay hidden underneath my covers past the rising of the sun, Monday through Friday. I can’t wait to not think about school lunches and afterschool activities. No children needs before my own. No real responsibility, but myself.
Well, I have a super-duper long way to go before I’m an empty nester, seeing that my youngest child has yet to reach the age of two. But, I can see the horizon because I have just three years before my oldest moves on to a life beyond his high school years, then immediately after him, child number two will yield to the same fate. Though I’ll remain active in my children’s life, as long as there’s life in this body of mines, I just won’t have to be so hands-on and it won’t consume all of me!
I’ll be able to have an identity yet again. I’ll be able to make choices solely based on what I want and I won’t have any reason to feel guilty!
But until that time comes, I’ll continue to fulfill the roles that I’ve obligated myself to while living vicariously through the eyes of all the empty-nesters surrounding me!
Good night, Dei-Dei….night Ma!