Tag Archives: rearing children

Backseat Parenting

Freedom. I didn’t know the word existed  (let alone applied it to my life) until I was well beyond my adolescent years. Privacy. I had it growing up (to a certain extent), yet I always knew that at any given moment my parents reserved the right to invade the wee bit that I had, for any reason and under any circumstance. I knew that my parents extended certain privileges to me because I earned them, not because I was entitled to them! The line was clearly drawn in the sand for my brother and I, and we knew just how close we could get to that line before all hell broke loose. There’s absolutely no way that any of the teens of this current generation would’ve survived in any household (that I know of) back when I was coming up. American children have done a complete flip on being reared in the 21st century. Being a child is definitely nothing like it use to be. The parenting has become seriously loosened, as have the way that our children carry themselves. Every other week and month, there’s a different person they’re calling “my boyfriend/my girlfriend” or refer to as “we’re going out”. They’re allowed to hang around and befriend people who they have no business even knowing. Kids have records and mug shots on file. For the most part, children today have complete and total say over their lives and decisions, while the parents take a backseat!

In my household, I have four children. I am raising my children to know that we’re in this together, life that is. Your life is not your own. What you do has a direct impact on our entire family unit, therefore we make (and will continue to make) a lot of our decisions together as a family. We take everyone and everything into consideration when it comes decision-making. As the matriarch of this family unit, I have set expectations and standards. My children know what and whose acceptable. When it comes to being social. They know who I’ll approve of them being friends with, and who doesn’t have a shot at making the cut, before even bringing them to me. They know that our family name means a lot to us, and we will not allow it to be tainted and tarnished by foolishness. So no! You can not date this guy/girl today, and then tomorrow date this guy/girl, or “go out” as kids like to refer to it. No, you can’t get in the car with that person! Can’t “just no any ol’ body” join our circle! I’ve worked hard  and invested a lot into my family and I’m very protective when it comes to maintaining it, as should every parent.

I adopted this way of living more than a decade ago, after seeing the success of my friends’ families, who are of Middle Eastern, Asian and Indian descent, and how they structure and live. I learned over the years that structure, expectations and standards must be set, otherwise things are bound to go bad.  You’re bound to be entangled in madness, have your family name drug through the mud,  and your offspring feeding into horrific temptation when you allow children to have complete control and say so over their lives. Too much room for infiltration is allowed when the boundaries aren’t clearly set! Children are incapable of making rash decisions, which is why they have been given parents. As parents, we can not take a backseat, while they attempt to steer themselves through this thing called life. It’s our duty to be all up in what they think is “their business”. We have to. We have no other choice! My feeling is, if we set firm expectations we’ll save them. We’ll save them from making the wrong choice of person, when it comes to dating. We’ll save them from abusive relationship. We’ll save them from underage drinking and drug use. We will save them from getting into a vehicle without that “friend” when they shouldn’t. We’ll save from gaining a criminal record. We will save them, and possibility our families, from a lot of hurt and unnecessary pain.

As for me, so far so good. My children are serious when they say, that I will help them decide on who their mates will be, when that time comes. They don’t want to disappoint me and because of that, they’re very conscious of their actions. This is how we’ve been living our lives and I haven’t had a single issue regarding drugs, drinking, sex, sneaking, or deceitfulness. My children and I have relationships where we talk, and actually exchange dialog with one another. I ask the hard questions, as do they. We’re honest and they know that I’m open for whatever.

I know that what’s working for me, may not necessarily work for the next family……..but it’s definitely worth giving a try. It’s time to take our children and our families back, by any means necessary!

PEACE & many Blessings to you and your family

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