Frustrated single parenting a teenage son. Would this end already? How much longer? Does it get any better? Does it get any easier? Who can I turn to?
I have all the questions, but not enough answers!
Still answer seeking.
I’ve been placed in the “good” mother category by all of my family, friends and practically by anyone who meets me. (smile) I call it getting credit for doing what I’m suppose to do anyway. I can admit that I do go above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to my children. Not sure if it makes me a “good” mother or not, but that’s what I do. I give, give and give. I never stop giving. Even when and if they don’t deserve it.
Some say that I’m attempting to compensate for the absentee fathers that two of my children are genetically linked to. That may be partially true. I do know that I like to make and see my children happy and excited, and that’s the biggest reason why I am the way that I am with them. There’s not much of anything that I won’t do or give to my children. They know that I undoubtedly have their backs and they can come to me for and about anything.
So, one would think that my children would be your ideal children, right? Get good grades, make their momma proud, jump when I tell them to do something, have the house in order, respect and take great care of all the things that I’ve bought for them, etc., etc., etc.! You’d think that they’d be so grateful and appreciative of the mother that they’ve been blessed with, especially when you measure me up against the mothers of many of their friends., but they’re not!
My children know how their friends feel about not having an attentive mother. They see how crushed their friends are when they speak of their moms and dads not caring about what they do. They’re well aware that their friends come to and also rely on me for some simple things. Their friends don’t get a dinner cooked for them every single night! Their friends don’t have “personal chauffeurs”. Their friends can’t ask their mothers for any and every thing under the sun, and truly expect to get it! They see how it feels to not have a mother vested in you! My children see with their own eyes and know for the themselves, what a good mother is and what a not-so-good mother is. Yet when those same not-so-good mothers come calling. Their children are up and on their way before she can even finish calling their names. When those not-so-good mothers tell their children to do something. It’s done the first time and they don’t dare have to repeat themselves. I see the love that those children have for their not-so-good and non-vested mothers. I also see the mother who has been deemed “good” by all who come in contact with her and who has invested all that she has, and she doesn’t see (or feel) any of that love emanating from her own children.
I often wonder, am I short-changing myself? I’m seriously going way over my parental obligations, yet there’s a mother right around the corner from me and she’s doing the exact opposite of me, in the parenting category. She’s not loosing a wink of sleep over not being that good of a mother, still her children openly love and respect her to death.
I can’t help but to think, if I were to overindulge in drinking, get into drugs, hang out partying like I’m twenty-one years old, stick the older kids with my baby, put myself first, spend all my money on me and maybe think about them at the end of every quarter, then maybe I’ll won’t feel so cheated.
Maybe I’m being too sensitive. What are your thoughts?
Am I ever going to get any significant return on the investment that I’m making on my children?
Let me start by saying that I am and have been in a relationship for an extended amount of time with the same person, with whom I have children with, but since we aren’t legally married I categorize myself as being a “single mother”. With that being said, I’ve been a mother for nearly sixteen years and there hasn’t been a single time that I didn’t live up to my end of the bargain when it comes to being a parent. I’ve never ran away from my responsibilities, never tried to push my responsibilities off on someone else, never neglected nor attempted to act like my responsibilities didn’t exist.
I’m that mother who doesn’t live this life through my own eyes. I don’t make decisions based on what I want. Before making any decisions I look at what effect that decision is going to have on each of my children. Their wants and needs come before my own and definitely before anyone else. I believe most great and exceptional parents, parent in this manner or in a very similar manner. It less about self and more about supplying our offspring with the absolute best tools in order to be successful and have a very enjoyable life. Now do we deserve any credit for that? Nah. I’ll be the first to say, we don’t deserve any special recognition or pats on the back for doing what we’re suppose to and signed up to do. However, I do say that because I’ve never negated my parenting duties and since I’ve been fully engaged from day one, I have all say so when it comes to my children. I have earned the right to NOT confer with ANYONE when it comes to them and their well-being. I have any and all rights as they pertain to my children. I feel absolutely no obligation to inform, notify or co-parent with an absentee person. I think it’s absolutely CRAZY and makes no sense to report my business and my child’s business to an individual who is not engaged and not participating in their life! Am I wrong? What’s your perspective? Share. I’d love to have this conversation.
My mom flew down to visit the kiddos and I, early last week and it was just what the doctor ordered! We all needed to be recharged with a remarkable big slice of home, and nothing better to fill that order than having my mom come for a visit.
With the exception of Skype, none of us have seen my mom since we left Detroit more than seven months ago. I haven’t been separated from my mother for any extended amount of time in all of my thirty-five years. The same applies for my children– she’s been with each of us since day one and nothing sucks more than being apart from her.
I woke up a bit teary eyed Thursday morning because it seemed as if Saturday was approaching at lightning speed, and soon she’d be boarding the plane back to Michigan. After feeling sad for about five minutes, I forced myself to focus on the two full days that I had left to have her here in Texas, instead of focusing on her departure. So we picked up where we left off– we shopped, we talked, we watched TV, sat around and talked, straightened up our living quarters, sat out by the fire pit, talked some more….it was just like old times. Though we didn’t do anything of real “out of town” significance or different from what we normally do, it just felt so good to be in each others presence. I couldn’t have asked for anything more from that visit, other than to have it not end so quickly!
I’m grateful that my mom was able to come to town and brighten all of our moods. If her mood was anywhere near as dull as ours I sure hope that we were able to return the favor of brightening hers just as much! We’re already looking so forward to our next visit!
Believe this? I didn’t take one picture while my mother was in town! What was I thinking? (shrugs shoulders)
Morning after Valentine’s Day, last time I’ll ever spend a mushy holiday all alone, meaing “without a companion” alone. Not a card, not a call, not even a single rose petal–usually I feel no particular way about those kinds of days, but this year’s different.
Oldest two children up and out. Both make it on time to their respective bus stops. Tip-toeing around trying desperately to keep the volume to a minimum, don’t wanna wake the younger two children, before it’s absolutely necessary.
Doggie duty calls!
Warm, foggy very misty outside, yet the temperature is absolutely perfect. 70° and the sun hasn’t even rose.
Youngest two children still asleep! In that case, time for meditation!. I’ma do at least 20 minutes.
9 minutes later calling to check the balance on my credit card.
Enough available to go to the supermarket.
Wake ’em up, clean ’em up, load ’em up!
Fill the cart to the brim, fingers crossed hope my card’s not declined (maybe I should put some stuff back!)
Breezed through the checkout line (by the skin of my teeth)
Home to unpack and put the groceries away (I bought ice crean, otherwise everything would’ve sat out waiting on those oler two to get home)
Water boiling in the kettle, ready for my tea. Foregoing the usual cappuccino this morning.
Online I go.
Games I’ll play, DM’s I’ll send until I can’t put my work off any longer.
Occupy the kiddies long to professionally answer calls.
Correspond via e-mail and Skype with my team.
Patiently waiting on more incoming calls
while I wait, I imagine my next “morning after” Valentine’s Day.