Blog Post Everyday in May

I’ve accepted the challenge to make a blog post each day in the month of May. I just learned of the challenge a few hours ago, and upon doing so I immediately signed up. I’ve been wanting to elevate my blog by posting more often, incorporating more pics and having guests bloggers, in an effort to attract more readers, other bloggers, companies, and advertisers. This challenge is just what I needed because it’ll gives me more structure than what I’m ordinarily used to. I look forward to all of the good the blogathon will do for me as a writer and as a blogger.  I end the month of April as the blogger that I used to be (as of tomorrow) and I’ll start the month of May being the blogger that I hope to morph into.

If you’re up for the challenge, there’s still time to sign up at http://michellerafter.com/2012/04/09/registration-for-the-2012-wordcount-blogathon-is-now-open/ Happy Blogging all!

Do “Good” Mothers get the Short End of the Stick?

I’ve been placed in the “good” mother category by all of my family, friends and practically by anyone who meets me. (smile) I call it getting credit for doing what I’m suppose to do anyway. I can admit that I do go above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to my children. Not sure if it makes me a “good” mother or not, but that’s what I do. I give, give and give. I never stop giving. Even when and if they don’t deserve it.

Some say that I’m attempting to compensate for the absentee fathers that two of my children are genetically linked to. That may be partially true. I do know that I like to make and see my children happy and excited, and that’s the biggest reason why I am the way that I am with them. There’s not much of anything that I won’t do or give to my children. They know that I undoubtedly have their backs and they can come to me for and about anything.

So, one would think that my children would be your ideal children, right? Get good grades, make their momma proud, jump when I tell them to do something, have the house in order, respect and take great care of all the things that I’ve bought for them, etc., etc., etc.! You’d think that they’d be so grateful and appreciative of the mother that they’ve been blessed with, especially when you measure me up against the mothers of many of their friends., but they’re not!

My children know how their friends feel about not having an attentive mother. They see how crushed their friends are when they speak of their moms and dads not caring about what they do. They’re well aware that their friends come to and also rely on me for some simple things. Their friends don’t get a dinner cooked for them every single night! Their friends don’t have “personal chauffeurs”. Their friends can’t ask their mothers for any and every thing under the sun, and truly expect to get it! They see how it feels to not have a mother vested in you! My children see with their own eyes and know for the themselves, what a good mother is and what a not-so-good mother is. Yet when those same not-so-good mothers come calling. Their children are up and on their way before she can even finish calling their names. When those not-so-good mothers tell their children to do something. It’s done the first time and they don’t dare have to repeat themselves. I see the love that those children have for their not-so-good and non-vested mothers. I also see the mother who has been deemed “good” by all who come in contact with her and who has invested all that she has, and she  doesn’t see (or feel) any of that love emanating from her own children.

I often wonder, am I short-changing myself? I’m seriously going way over my parental obligations, yet there’s a mother right around the corner from me and she’s doing the exact opposite of me, in the parenting category. She’s not loosing a wink of sleep over not being that good of a mother, still her children openly love and respect her to death.

I can’t help but to think, if I were to overindulge in drinking, get into drugs, hang out partying like I’m twenty-one years old, stick the older kids with my baby, put myself first, spend all my money on me and maybe think about them  at the end of every quarter, then maybe I’ll won’t feel so cheated.

Maybe I’m being too sensitive. What are your thoughts?

Am I ever going to get any significant return on the investment that I’m making on my children?

Single Motherhood: My Perspective

Let me start by saying that I am and have been in a relationship for an extended amount of time with the same person, with whom I have children with, but since we aren’t legally married I categorize myself as being a “single mother”. With that being said, I’ve been a mother for nearly sixteen years and there hasn’t been a single time that I didn’t live up to my end of the bargain when it comes to being a parent. I’ve never ran away from my responsibilities, never tried to push my responsibilities off on someone else, never neglected nor attempted to act like my responsibilities didn’t exist.

I’m that mother who doesn’t live this life through my own eyes. I don’t make decisions based on what I want. Before making any decisions I look at what effect that decision is going to have on each of my children. Their wants and needs come before my own and definitely before anyone else. I believe most great and exceptional parents, parent in this manner or in a very similar manner. It less about self and more about supplying our offspring with the absolute best tools in order to be successful and have a very enjoyable life. Now do we deserve any credit for that? Nah. I’ll be the first to say, we don’t deserve any special recognition or pats on the back for doing what we’re suppose to and signed up to do. However, I do say that because I’ve never negated my parenting duties and since I’ve been fully engaged from day one, I have all say so when it comes to my children. I have earned the right to NOT confer with ANYONE when it comes to them and their well-being. I have any and all rights as they pertain to my children. I feel absolutely no obligation to inform, notify or co-parent with an absentee person.  I think it’s absolutely CRAZY and makes no sense to report my business and my child’s business to an individual who is not engaged and not participating in their life! Am I wrong? What’s your perspective? Share. I’d love to have this conversation.

A Nice Big Piece of Home

My mom flew down to visit the kiddos and I, early last week and it was just what the doctor ordered!  We all needed to be recharged with a remarkable big slice of home, and nothing better to fill that order than having my mom come for a visit.

With the exception of Skype, none of us have seen my mom since we left Detroit more than seven months ago. I haven’t been separated from my mother for any extended amount of time in all of my thirty-five years. The same applies for my children– she’s been with each of us since day one and nothing sucks more than being apart from her.

I woke up a bit teary eyed Thursday morning because it seemed as if Saturday was approaching at lightning speed, and soon she’d be boarding the plane back to Michigan. After feeling sad for about five minutes, I forced myself to focus on the two full days that I had left to have her here in Texas, instead of focusing on her departure. So we picked up where we left off– we shopped, we talked, we watched TV, sat around and talked, straightened up our living quarters, sat out by the fire pit, talked some more….it was just like old times. Though we didn’t do anything of real “out of town” significance or different from what we normally do, it just felt so good to be in each others presence. I couldn’t have asked for anything more from that visit, other than to have it not end so quickly!

I’m grateful that my mom was able to come to town and  brighten all of our moods. If her mood was anywhere near as dull as ours I sure hope that we were able to return the favor of brightening hers just as much! We’re already looking so forward to our next visit!

Believe this? I didn’t take one picture while my mother was in town! What was I thinking? (shrugs shoulders)

 

My Baby the little Staph Incubator

What started off as a harmless little itty bitty scrape on Baby Zayah’s chin turned out to way more than what any of us would’ve predicted. Turns out her first boo boo from her first fall is a staph infection A.K.A Impetigo A.K.A Mercer! “You say what?”  Well, I knew something was wrong a few days prior to Saturday, when I had to rush her the emergency room.

The little scrape started (which happened on Sunday) showing some bruising on Tuesday. I figured it was bruising due to the impact of her fall. By Thursday the bruising formed a circular scar. I immediately started thinking that scrape has gotten infected and that it’d possibly turned into ringworm. I bought some Lotrimin and applied it to the circular bruisie area. That’s when I noticed there was a second circular area forming on her cheek. Aha! It’s ringworm! Saturday when we woke up there were two more circular bruisie areas. I applied some more Lotrimin. Upon combing Baby Zayah’s hair I noticed a circular area on the back of the neck. But this circle was different looking. I t was bumpy around the edges, yes! But inside of the area was a blister filled with cloudy pus. UGH! By the time I walked Baby Zayah over to one of my good girlfriend’s place. The circle on the back of her neck had grown in size. In a matter of 15 minutes it went from being the size of a crayon’s diameter to being the size of a nickel! First, thing I thought as we sat there trying to diagnose what the heck was going on was “flesh eating bacteria!”

I rushed her over to the hospital (because I’ve seen on television what flesh-eating bacteria does and in a small amount of time!) and the staff were shocked at the rapid multiplication and growth of these circular areas (it was literally happening right before our eyes).  It wasn’t long before they eliminated my theory that it was the flesh-eating bacterium, but it was a bacterium from the same strain! Mercer! In children her age they prefer to call it Impetigo, for some reason.

Many people have reached out and gave me some great advice for ridding my home of the pesky, highly contagious, rapidly spreading virus! Lots of sanitizer! Bleach all of the bedding, stuffed animals and wash in hot water! WASH YOUR HANDS! Bleach the doorknobs, handles, game controllers, laptop keys, phones, etc. etc. etc. WASH YOUR HANDS! So this is what my what weekend consisted of:

The little contaminated culprit!

We were able to pinpoint where she contracted the staph infection.

Several weeks ago, my oldest son was playing basketball at the park. While playing he was scratched under his nose, on the area between the nose and upper lip. Days after he was scratched I noticed the outbreak. I thought it was a cold sore or blister. That’s when he told me he was scratched. I told him to keep the area clean because it looks like it’s trying to get infected. The area became worse and worse. I assumed it was getting bad because he kept picking at it. Then it spread to his ear….to three different spots on his ear. I bought peroxide and all kinds of astringents, and told him to clean the areas then afterwards “WASH YOUR HANDS”!  He is all cleared up, but never once did I ever think of a staph infection! It  never even crossed my mind!  The day that the scrape on Baby Zayah’s chin turned to a circular bruise is the day the she laid on him and fell asleep! I was told that the virus can lie dormant and live for a lengthy amount of time. We’re 90% certain that she contracted it from him. Since she has the least developed immune system in the house, she was an easy target!

We’re on a constant cleaning and wipe down binge! The medicine has only been going for 24 hours, but all of the lesions are drying out and no new ones have popped out THANK GOODNESS! I think we might have it under control, but we won’t know until several weeks from now!