Tonight one of my good girlfriend’s daughter graduated from high school. She attended one of the best academic schools in the city. I was absolutely jaw-dropped shocked at the academic excellence of the vast majority of the students.
My mommy radar immediately went up and I began to strategize just how I’m going to get my own children focused on the exact same path of academic excellence.
I want that! I want my children to be amongst the top members of their class (if asking for them to be one of the top ten is too much). I want them to be recognized for their academic brilliance. Most importantly, I want the security in knowing that they’re going to be already in this life…..in this world.
This first day of summer vacay actually turned out to better than what I could’ve ever wanted it to be. A new desire was planted in me and now I’m going to see it to fruition.
Listen, hear and process the valuable lessons that are being handed down and over to them.
Nothing satisfies a mother/parent more than knowing that they’ve efficiently equipped their children to handle the ways of this world!
I smile to keep from crying
I pray to keep from making the same mistakes twice
Parenting is not as easy I imagined it would be
before I was a parent
Grateful that I have another chance to come closer to getting it right
It’s looking very promising!
Two years ago, I wrote a blog post about how oral sex, amongst teens had become quite the “norm”. I remember how stunned I was, when I learned that my teenage son and his friends were receiving oral sex from two girls who they’d grown up with since they were Kindergarten age. That was the last thing, I expected to be going on with the kids on my block. After I came to grips with the behavior that our kids were engaging in , I had the famous and very long “talk” with my son. At the conclusion of our “talk” I pretty much knew that my words had fallen on death ears. He wasn’t going to stop or turn back into my sweet, innocent and undefiled child, in fact I knew that he was only going to up the ante and push the envelope even further. His hormones had been unleashed and set free, and there was nothing that I was going to be able to do, to curtail it.
Fast forward to today, oral sex is a thing of the past and they’ve vivaciously moved on to full-blown bang down sex! I knew this day was coming, but I never thought I’d see the day when a mother would allow teenage, high school boys (who you don’t really know) to come into her home and have sex with her daughter, as if they’re married adults. I’m completely baffled. Am I old school? Am I out of touch?
Okay. I get it. Teens are having sex. Yes. They’re doing it, plain and simple. I get all of that. But when did it become ideal to co-sign them having sex? When did the parents start actively assisting their children and making it vastly comfortable for them to be sexually active, particularly under their own roofs?
I finally accepted that my innocent baby boy is long gone, and I only have memories of him etched into my mind to rely on. I’m just now starting to wrap my head around the fact that girls are throwing themselves at his feet and they’ve made themselves readily available to him. But what I’ve refused to ever accept is that of willing participant. As a teen especially, but not even as an adult will he EVER have my blessing when it comes to his sexual life.
If I’m stuck in the past, then so be it. That’s where I’ll stay, before I ever say it’s okay for any of my children to march someone or anyone through the doors of my house, up to their bedrooms and engage in sexual acts with them. Not happening!
Let’s have a conversation: What’s your perspective? Do I need to get with the times? Do you care about being the “cool” parent to your child and their friends? Would you allow your house to be “that” house where all the kids flock to, to get it in?
“It was itching me, so I had to cut it off!” Words spoken to me by my littlest boy today.
Do you see what I have to deal with……EVERY SINGLE DAY?
Point me in the direction of the wine!
In case you’re not sure what’s different, the boy got both his ears pierced, at the mall, last night. Not entirely sure how I’m feeling about it. Didn’t want him to do it (never wanted either of my son’s to have pierced ears) but he’s old enough to give a compelling argument as to why he wanted his ears pierced…..plus, he’d successfully convinced his grandmother of it, too.
It could be worse, huh?
I have a 15-year-old son and he’s hurting. Every since he was a small child, I’ve always told him that it was okay to cry, and that he could talk to me about any and everything. Maybe once, has he taken me up on that offer. As much as I talk to him, he’s very reluctant when it comes to getting things off of his chest. It’s as if he’d rather just keep everything bottled up inside and to himself– safe from any snooping and prying eyes.
Admittedly, my mouth has always assured him that I was available and that it was okay to express himself -“cry if you have to. It’s alright for guys to cry, too!”- yet, my actions of being non-affectionate were in direct contrast to what I was actually saying with my mouth. Looking back over these last eleven years, never once did I or have I gone up to my son and hugged him, just “because”. I’ve never once went over and kissed him on the top of his head, to signify my undying love for him. I haven’t told him verbally how much I love him. I’ll show him that I love him, all day. I have no problem with that, but I never say the words.
If ever I had a fault as a mother, it is my lack of affection towards my son. Once he surpassed the baby stage of his life all of the kissing, hugging and tickling came to a halt, when in all actuality it should’ve escalated. My lack of affection has likely impacted my son’s life in a not-so-positive-way. My shortcoming has likely shaped him into the man he will become. My advice to any mother would be: don’t leave your child, particularly our boys, to assume that we love them. They’re suppose to know without a doubt, that you love them, and the best way to do that is by saying it……and offering up a hug every once in a while.
For mothers similar to me, where your child is older and closer to being grown than they are to beong a baby? Good news!It’s not too late! If ever there was a time that these teens need to hear the words, “I love you” and receive an embrace……it is now!
My progress of becoming more affectionate will be shared in future posts. Wish me luck!