Happy Hour!

After much convincing, my girlfriends talked me into going to Happy Hour at a local Steakhouse this evening. With the exception of me, everyone has met up and gone, the last two Fridays. I just didn’t want to be in the bar atmosphere, so I opted out of going with them. One of my friends found a little steakhouse to go to instead of going to a “bar”, so I agreed to go there.

I’ve been so looking forward to today, so much so that I figured out what I was going to wear and laid it all out the other day. I’ve even gone so far as to prepare my children for my going on. I’ve told them, “I’m going out with the girls for a little while Friday. I won’t be gone long, in fact, it’ll still be a little light outside when I get back home.” I successfully got all of them on board with my going out.

I’ve really been excited about going out, sitting around eating, drinking and talking with my girls ………………………………………………….. all-for-NOTHING!

The organizer of this little shindig, sent all of us a text message a little while ago, explaining that she’s not feeling well and would like to reschedule for next Friday.  Sadly, I agreed to meet up next week.

Turns out, I’ll be doing tonight, what I’ve mastered to do best watching television in my bedroom, by myself!

No “Happy Hour” for me!

 

P.S. I know the kids are going to be happy!

Do “Good” Mothers get the Short End of the Stick?

I’ve been placed in the “good” mother category by all of my family, friends and practically by anyone who meets me. (smile) I call it getting credit for doing what I’m suppose to do anyway. I can admit that I do go above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to my children. Not sure if it makes me a “good” mother or not, but that’s what I do. I give, give and give. I never stop giving. Even when and if they don’t deserve it.

Some say that I’m attempting to compensate for the absentee fathers that two of my children are genetically linked to. That may be partially true. I do know that I like to make and see my children happy and excited, and that’s the biggest reason why I am the way that I am with them. There’s not much of anything that I won’t do or give to my children. They know that I undoubtedly have their backs and they can come to me for and about anything.

So, one would think that my children would be your ideal children, right? Get good grades, make their momma proud, jump when I tell them to do something, have the house in order, respect and take great care of all the things that I’ve bought for them, etc., etc., etc.! You’d think that they’d be so grateful and appreciative of the mother that they’ve been blessed with, especially when you measure me up against the mothers of many of their friends., but they’re not!

My children know how their friends feel about not having an attentive mother. They see how crushed their friends are when they speak of their moms and dads not caring about what they do. They’re well aware that their friends come to and also rely on me for some simple things. Their friends don’t get a dinner cooked for them every single night! Their friends don’t have “personal chauffeurs”. Their friends can’t ask their mothers for any and every thing under the sun, and truly expect to get it! They see how it feels to not have a mother vested in you! My children see with their own eyes and know for the themselves, what a good mother is and what a not-so-good mother is. Yet when those same not-so-good mothers come calling. Their children are up and on their way before she can even finish calling their names. When those not-so-good mothers tell their children to do something. It’s done the first time and they don’t dare have to repeat themselves. I see the love that those children have for their not-so-good and non-vested mothers. I also see the mother who has been deemed “good” by all who come in contact with her and who has invested all that she has, and she  doesn’t see (or feel) any of that love emanating from her own children.

I often wonder, am I short-changing myself? I’m seriously going way over my parental obligations, yet there’s a mother right around the corner from me and she’s doing the exact opposite of me, in the parenting category. She’s not loosing a wink of sleep over not being that good of a mother, still her children openly love and respect her to death.

I can’t help but to think, if I were to overindulge in drinking, get into drugs, hang out partying like I’m twenty-one years old, stick the older kids with my baby, put myself first, spend all my money on me and maybe think about them  at the end of every quarter, then maybe I’ll won’t feel so cheated.

Maybe I’m being too sensitive. What are your thoughts?

Am I ever going to get any significant return on the investment that I’m making on my children?

Single Motherhood: My Perspective

Let me start by saying that I am and have been in a relationship for an extended amount of time with the same person, with whom I have children with, but since we aren’t legally married I categorize myself as being a “single mother”. With that being said, I’ve been a mother for nearly sixteen years and there hasn’t been a single time that I didn’t live up to my end of the bargain when it comes to being a parent. I’ve never ran away from my responsibilities, never tried to push my responsibilities off on someone else, never neglected nor attempted to act like my responsibilities didn’t exist.

I’m that mother who doesn’t live this life through my own eyes. I don’t make decisions based on what I want. Before making any decisions I look at what effect that decision is going to have on each of my children. Their wants and needs come before my own and definitely before anyone else. I believe most great and exceptional parents, parent in this manner or in a very similar manner. It less about self and more about supplying our offspring with the absolute best tools in order to be successful and have a very enjoyable life. Now do we deserve any credit for that? Nah. I’ll be the first to say, we don’t deserve any special recognition or pats on the back for doing what we’re suppose to and signed up to do. However, I do say that because I’ve never negated my parenting duties and since I’ve been fully engaged from day one, I have all say so when it comes to my children. I have earned the right to NOT confer with ANYONE when it comes to them and their well-being. I have any and all rights as they pertain to my children. I feel absolutely no obligation to inform, notify or co-parent with an absentee person.  I think it’s absolutely CRAZY and makes no sense to report my business and my child’s business to an individual who is not engaged and not participating in their life! Am I wrong? What’s your perspective? Share. I’d love to have this conversation.

911? Can you come get these kids?

Oh yes I did! I called the Harris County Sheriff on my two oldest children. After weeks and weeks of constant and consistent bickering back and forth, it came to a head Thursday night.  My fifteen year old son and thirteen year old daughter got into a pushing match and that was the final straw! I separated them and when they decided to continue with the fussing, cussing, trying to get at each other, my last button had been pushed. As far as I was concerned they’d drawn the line in the sand, crossed it and the disrespect just blew by all boundaries! Being newly moved to Texas, I don’t know the laws when it comes to parenting and I didn’t want to “catch a case” which is exactly why I called the LAW! Need I say, that they both were completely shocked and flabbergasted when they heard me on the phone with the 911 operator.

Well, the oldest boy ran over to the clubhouse to call my mother (in Detroit) while the oldest gal strutted around the place without a worry. She only started worrying when I informed her that I’d called on BOTH of them, not just him, and as far as I was concerned, they both were getting taken the hell out of here. Imagine her surprise!

By the time that the officer arrived, Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield had tucked themselves into their beds (as if that was going to keep the police from coming). The officer had each of them explain what’d happened, he then went on to inform them that the State of Texas allows parents to discipline their children, and that I wouldn’t be breaking any laws if I knocked the hell out of them (those are my words). He looked around the room and pointed out that they didn’t need big flatscreen TVs, Xboxs or Playstations with the way the that they were behaving. He gave them a stern warning and some great advice (about being brother and sister and sticking together). He declined to arrest either of them on domestic abuse charges (since no one was hurt and there weren’t any signs of physical abuse)  but he did file a formal complaint, which a detective will handle from this point onward.

I’m glad that I did what I did. By getting the police involved I showed them that I’m serious and I also learned my rights as a parent in this state. The bottom line is this: I’m not a referee. I’m not about to waste energy on negotiating peace between the two of them for a second longer. No more! I’m not doing it anymore! From now on I will call the police and next time I will allow them to be removed from the premises. Hopefully they won’t be foolish enough to call my bluff.

One way or another there will be peace in my home. They can do it the easy way, or the hard way. The choice is absolutely theirs!

Online Dating for this almost Single Mama

For the last few weeks, one of my good girlfriends has been relentlessly pushing for me to try online dating. “You need to meet some new people!” Is what she tells me. That’s immediately followed by, “Just give it a try! It’s so fun!” Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! My response is always, “Nah! That’s not for me. I’ll just focus on the relationship that I’m in.” Blah, blah, blah, blah!                                                                                         Now my girlfriend, she’s very spontaneous and I’m a watcher. She’ll just go for it. Whereas with me, it takes a long time (sometimes years) before I can develop a meaningful relationship of any kind and with ANYone. That includes friendships, coworkers, associates, neighbors, etc. I’ve always been this way, but I’m even more like this because of the fact that I have children. I’m very cautious as to who I allow into my space because whatever happens (be it good or bad) affects me and the four of them.                                                                                                              Getting back to the topic of online dating, not that I was ever consciously considering it in the least bit, but why did I hear of three online dating nightmares within two days? (head cocked to the side). One lady wound up with a deranged stalker on her hands, another was out $7,000 and the last woman, was swindled out of her newborn baby. I guess if my subconscious was in any way reconsidering and rehashing the idea of giving online dating a try, these back-to-back-to-back incidences put a halt to that! Hearing those stories assured me that I’ve made the best decision. I’m sure there’s many success stories when it comes to online dating, and you can meet a crazy just about anywhere these days. You don’t have to go online to run across that problem. My overall point is, I’m going to stick to what and who I (already) know. It works for me. Albeit, my current relationship has transitioned into being a long distance one, it’s still mines and it’s working (at least today it is). As for online dating and this almost single mama, I’ll just leave that for those who are more optimistic than I. Happy Dating!

Working from Home, Not My Cup of Tea, Not for Me!

*Disclaimer* Please forgive any grammatical/spelling errors. Spell/Grammar check’s not working…for whatever reason. Enjoy!

I’ll be the first to say that I thought working from home was going to be the BOMB! Not only was I going to be in complete control of my work schedule (which is HUGE to me), but I was going to be home with my youngest two children. Ultimately that means I wouldn’t have to hire a nanny or find a daycare facility to put them in, and if you’re a working parent, you know that, that’s a very big deal~ no childcare expenses! I was going to be completely hands on!

I thought I had it all figured out! I’d start doing my work on the computer by 7:30, answer calls from my consultants and customers up until noon (during this same time, the youngest boy would do his homeschool lessons) then off to do some marketing for an hour or two (great thing is, the kiddies can ride along with me…..ususally this leads into nap time). My work day would end by three (with the exception of taking occassional calls from customers and consultants), dinner would be going by four, etc, etc., etc. by seven-thrity eight o’clock I’d be on my way to relaxing!

Well needless to say, pretty much none of my plan came to frutition. I haven’t once started work by 7:30, the boy hardly ever starts and/or complete any of his homeschool lessons before I’m ready to go marketing. My work day definitely ends by three, Baby Zayah makes sure of that, with her non-cooperating agenda! As for dinner, if it’s not a meal that I put in the slow cooker the night before or the morning of, it’s not making it into the oven by four (that has yet to happen). By 7 o’clock I’m on a WARPATH! I’m fussing, cussing and enraged! Relaxing? HELL!

Every single day has been chaotic, disorganized and pretty much unproductive, since I started working from home. Usually by the end of the day, the two youngest kiddies have pushed every single button that I possess and my patience for the older two (by the time they return home from a day at school) are nonexistent! They catch the brunt of my wrath, when they haven’t even done anything to deserve it! Our home is in complete and utter diasarray! By bedtime I’m always exhausted and I’ve accomplished very little with my days. With all of that being said, I’m returning back to working outside of the home! For all the reasons that I stated above, “No! I don’t feel guilty about changing my mind!” I gave it the “good old college try”! I’m happily returning to the rat race!

I care nothing about now having to hire a nanny. In fact, I’m looking forward to paying someone top dollar to come in and take care of them, even on my off days! I’m looking forward to having a weekly work schedule. I’m glad that I’ll have co-workers, someone to talk to and have lunch with during the middle of the day, that’s not a minor who needs me! I’m ecstatic about having my life (that exists outside of the home) back!

Final word: I figured out the hard way, that working from home with children roaming in and out of your work space, is not for me. It’s not an easy or light task. One has to be truly disciplined and organized. I am neither and  I accept that! I now know that I need to miss my children, just as they need to miss me, in order for us to appreciate each other!

So back into the workforce I happily go!

Being Mommy…No Walk in the Park

I don’t know, but for some reason I always thought that the mommy role would get easier as the children got older and older.Well, as my children get older, and delve further into their teenage years, I’m seeing firsthand that I was way off with my thinking. Being a mother, especially a single mother, is no walk in the park, and from the looks of it, it never will be…..EVER! It doesn’t get any easier, no matter how much the children age, and grow up. That’s NOT what I’ve been widely expecting and anticipating, all of these years! I’ve been so looking forward to the lightning of the mommy load!

So what I’ve learned is this: As the children move on to become teenagers/young adults, the late night feedings, carrying of diaper bags, loading of strollers, and car seats all go away, but in comes an entirely different slew of issues. For instance, I have a girl crazed teenager (and the girls are as equally crazed over him) who wants to hang out, listen to loud music, socialize via all the social media networks, go back and forth with the yo-yo grades….blah, blah, blah….and the list could go on and on and on. My point is, the baby issues have all gone away and now the teenager issues have arrived, and they’re here with a vengeance! Oh how I long for the stroller, diaper bag, immunization days!

The load of being mommy and the sole parent hasn’t lightened up any, in fact things seem to be heavier than ever! It’s all good, though! The job is trying, but it’s not impossible. I just have to restrategize and reconfigure my parenting plan. I’m sure I’ll be just fine!

Can you imagine going through the baby phase and adolescence phase at the same time?