Piercings and Tattoos? My Boy? NO WAY!

It’s no surprise that the oldest boy has increased the amount of pressure and stepped up his daily harassment, hoping desperately to sway me into saying, “Yes. You can go get a tattoo, son!”

See, he thinks it was his tactic of never-ending harassment  that worked in his favor several weeks ago, when I finally allowed him to get his ears pierced (after three years of nonstop asking). He hasn’t figured out that it wasn’t because of his begging, constant pleading and nagging which caused him to receive my blessing with the piercing of the ears. I only said yes because I felt that he’d put enough time and thought into “why” he really wanted his ears pierced.

I have an extremely huge problem when it comes to fads and that “going along with the crowd” mentality. I don’t participate in trends and I refuse to let my child be part of a trend. I wanted to be absolutely certain that he wasn’t doing something because it’s popular or because all of his buddies are doing it, which is why it took me several years before saying yes. For me, his reason for wanting his ears pierced had to be something that he deeply desired to do with no outside influences. He doesn’t know it, but the same thing applies to getting a tattoo. I wouldn’t care if he got tattoo after tattoo after tattoo. Heck! My mom took me to get my first tattoo when I just sixteen years old, so of course I don’t have a problem with them. My only concern was, his reason behind wanting tattoos and ear piercings.

It’s been close to the two-year mark of his just having to “have a tattoo”. He’s thought it through and through. He’s even constructed what he wants to get and he’s explained the significance behind it. I must admit that it’s quite unique and I’ve never seen anyone with anything like it before. I’m pretty proud of him. Everything that I’ve instilled in him about being different, standing out, individuality and embracing his unique identity, he’s gotten it! Through both of these incidences I finally see that all of my efforts haven’t been in vain afterall.

I think it’s safe to say, the time has come for me to grant my oldest boy my blessing yet again. Tattoo numero uno soon to come!

 

My first tattoo (it’s now 19 years old). My youngest boy took this pic. Thank him for the flash and time stamp! #dontblameme

Grieving Anew….

I’m not big on death. Who is, huh?

I don’t deal with death at all. I ignore it and keep on. I refuse to give much energy to it. I don’t go view bodies. I don’t go to funerals. I don’t sit around mourning (at least not for very long). Usually I direct all of my energy towards the happy times, and I remember the individual how I last seen them. That’s my approach when it comes to dealing with the crushing blow that death always deals.

But, this time was different. Very different.

It wasn’t only me who was forced to deal with this completely unexpected and devastating lost of life.  My youngest son was also pulled into the madness. In all actuality he was much more affected than even I — because he lost his father. Thus, I didn’t have the option of ignoring or shutting the matter of death out. I was forced out of my usual routine and into a very inconvenient position of having to deal with death.

Long story short,

My son turns out to be a lot like me. He doesn’t want to be sad and he doesn’t want to sit around crying however, he does want to talk about it in snippets.

So whenever the urge hits him, he’ll ask a question, make a statement or just come lay his head on my lap. And me?  I fully engage with him. I follow his lead. Whatever and wherever that may be.

His way of dealing with this, it’s not all that bad. It has actually helped me to deal with yet another unexpected death (YES! Barely a week later, death reared its ugly head in my space again!).

Thanks for each and every comment, thought, suggestion and prayer. All has been truly appreciated!

 

Be sure to tune in for a guest blog entitled “A Day at the Houston Zoo” constructed by my eight year old son, Patrick!

 

 

Your Dad is Dying

I share an 8-year-old boy with an awesome dad. Biologically, our son is his only child. Words can not and will never be able to describe how much my son’s dad loves him, and how much my son loves his dad in return.

Every single morning, his dad calls to tell him good morning, have a great day and how much his “daddy loves him”. Every afternoon, his dad calls him after school to see what he learned, how his day went and to tell him how much his “daddy loves him”. Every evening, shortly after the sunsets,  the phone is ringing. Everyone already knows who it is, so no need to check the caller ID. We  just hand the telephone over to the littlest boy because we all know that it’s his dad.  No if’s, no and’s, no but’s about it. His dad MUST tell him goodnight, that he’ll call him in the morning and he most definitely has to always end the call with “daddy loves you”.

Those were the last words that we heard from him, this past Sunday evening, as the littlest boy had turned on the speakerphone, in order to talk on the telephone and play the video game simultaneously.

“Daddy loves you!”

When I heard him say that, my thoughts were, “He ain’t lying! He really does love him…..always has!”

How do you tell an 8-year-old boy that he won’t have that anymore? How do explain that, that has now been taken away? No more phone calls! No more pictures! No more spending time together! None of that! No more!

How can I ask my innocent little boy to get out of the routine of having his daddy call him EVERY SINGLE DAY (without EVER missing a beat) if only to utter the words, “daddy loves you”?

We’ve never known the whole “clinging to life” situation. Nor has death been this close to us before. I’m being forced to explain, “You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s not your fault. That how’s life/death is. You’ll get to see him again, one day.”

If that’s not unfair, I don’t know what is!

Thank you for all of you who have prayed for different results and/or our comfort during this time. We are truly grateful.

First Day of Summer: Graduation 2012

Tonight one of my good girlfriend’s daughter graduated from high school. She attended one of the best academic schools in the city. I was absolutely jaw-dropped  shocked at the academic excellence of the vast majority of the students.

My mommy radar immediately went up and I began to strategize just how I’m going to get my own children focused on the exact same path of academic excellence.

I want that! I want my children to be amongst the top members of their class (if asking for them to be one of the top ten is too much). I want them to be recognized for their academic brilliance. Most importantly, I want the security in knowing that they’re going to be already in this life…..in this world.

This first day of summer vacay actually turned out to better than what I could’ve ever wanted it to be. A new desire was planted in me and now I’m going to see it to fruition.