Shock and Awe: Pregnant Teen Sues Parents

Every since last week, I’ve been going OFF about this pregnant 16-year-old who had the audacity to sue her parents.
So is that what they’re doing now? Teens are rewarding their parents by bringing lawsuits against them, eh?
In case you haven’t heard about this foolery, let me give you some background in what I’ll be ranting and raving about.
Parents of the pregnant teen were unhappy to learn that she was with child and so, they were pressuring her to have an abortion.  They supposedly issued threats (that her life was going to be ruined; she was flushing her future down the drain; she wasn’t going to amount to nothing; they were going to make her life miserable, etc) in hopes of steering her to abort the fetus.
Turns out her parents were indeed making her life a living hell. Plus they must have taken away the vehicle that they purchased for her.
This child got the bright idea to solicit the help of some group (obviously pro-lifers) to support and represent her in suing her parents.
To shorten the story, she won the case against her parents. They couldn’t force her to have an abortion (which we all already know. No clinic would ever perform an abortion on an unwilling patient) the parents can no longer go around making her life a living hell or uncomfortable. The parents agreed to let her use the car that they purchased, in order for her to get back-and-forth to school and work. She will be allowed to marry her 16-year-old boyfriend. The parents will also pay her cell phone bill and half of her health insurance.
This is what our country has boiled down to. Teens are being rewarded for their bad decisions and choices, while the parents are being punished. What responsibility are these two irresponsible “children” being taught when they’re being rewarded the “gifts” they seek in a court of law?
I agree. No one should be threatened with physical force when it comes to an unexpected pregnancy, but why would the parents have to be responsible for half of her medical expenses? Why do they have to allow her to enjoy the privilege of driving around in a car that they purchased? Why on God’s green earth do they have pay for her to have the luxury of a cell phone?
I’ve always been under the assumption that grown people take care of themselves. Grown folks don’t “need: anyone to pay their cell phone bills; they don’t “need” to use the car they someone else bought; they don’t “need” some to pay for half their medical expenses.
The mere fact that this child “needs” her parents for these minute things is a testament that she doesn’t “need” a child because she can’t even take care of the basic things that she needs (wants) to survive.
If she and her boyfriend want to make grown-up decisions, then why wouldn’t they be ordered to endure the grown-up consequences?

All-in-all there was definitely a better way for this unfortunate situation to be handled, besides this child dragging her parents to court.
If you found yourself in this situation what would your reaction be? How would you handle such a court ruling?

Had it been me:

Chances are extremely high that I’d be held in contempt of court and ordered to jail for an extensive amount of time.
First, I would have taken my SUV and ran over the car that I was told to let her drive. I would have driven back and forth over the heap of rubble until it was obliterated! While in the midst destroying that vehicle I would have called the insurance company to cancelled my coverage before calling the cell phone company and breaking whatever contract I had remaining on the account.
The nerve of that child, the judicial system and whatever idiots represented her in court!
I know my reaction would be extreme, but I’m an extreme kind of gal. I firmly believe that when there are no consequences, these are the messes that you end up with!

Food for thought:

Did it not cross anyone’s mind that maybe it was the privilege of having access to a car and the luxury of a cell that got her into her pregnancy fiasco to begin with? Hmm.

She has all of these people in her corner now, but where will they be once this child is born? What help will they (especially the little loud mouth 16-year-old boy who helped to get her in this mess) provide when it’s 2-years-old? 5-years-old? 13-years-old? Matter of fact, where will any of them be when this child winds up pregnant (or has someone pregnant) at 16?
We all know how this fairy tale will end.
I’m so certain that it’ll end with a big fat, “I told you so!”

Our Children and the HPV Vaccine

Guarding Against HPV Is A Very Big Deal For Our Daughters And Our Sons!

In June 2006, the FDA approved the first HPV vaccine for girls and women. The human papillomavirus, widely known as HPV is the virus that’s associated with causing cervical cancer. It most commonly affects the genital area of males and females, in the form of warts, but it can also affect the mouth and throat areas, as well.  HPV is passed through sexual intercourse and is therefore classified as a sexual transmitted infection (STI). HPV is the most common STI in the United States. According to the CDC, at least 50% of sexual active people will contract HPV at some time in their life. HPV transmission and contraction was teetering on becoming an epidemic! The CDC wanted to cut this borderline epidemic off at the source, which is why the FDA approved a vaccination against HPV for boys and men, in 2009.

Due to the alarming statistical rates of HPV contraction, many women’s groups immediately became advocates for the vaccinations. They began pressing hard for the series of vaccinations to become mandatory and they fought to have it added to the list of required vaccines for children.  These groups believed that by making the HPV vaccine mandatory, the cancer causing virus would become isolated, cervical cancer rates will decline, thus saving a lot of lives. According to the National Cervical Cancer Coalition, more than 13,000 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer each year, and 4,000 of those women will die as a result of the disease.

Need I say, I am a proponent of the HPV vaccine. I am also a proponent of completing the entire HPV vaccine process (it’s given in three parts). Studies are finding that more parents are having their children vaccinated for HPV, but they aren’t always completing the 3-part series. Completing the entire series of vaccines ensures full protection from the virus. Missing any part of the vaccine leaves the individual vulnerable to contracting the virus, which causes so many unnecessary cancers.

My soon-to-be 14-year-old daughter completed the entire series last Fall, while my son 15-year-old son is just on his first dose of the vaccine. When I learned that there was a vaccine entering the market, which would protect my daughters from developing cervical cancer, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that they were getting it. Being armed with that type of protection is priceless in my mind! To know that none of my children will ever have to be concerned with contracting HPV, and neither of my daughters will ever have to worry about the threat of cervical cancer allows me to breathe a bit easier.

Be certain to give your children the gift of forever being HPV and/or cervical cancer FREE! Contact your pediatrician today before it’s too late!

 

Porn and Your Child

This child has not been found guilty of any pornography watching. He has yet to reach the statistical age of 11. Whew! (wipes forehead)

Does anyone find it alarming that the average age at which a child, is thought to,  view pornography for the first time is age 11?  To me, it’s startling, alarming and upsetting, particularly since I have four children of my own. On top of that, two of my four children have yet to reach the age of 11. I have one boy and one girl child left, under that statistical age, and those statistics really make me nervous. I don’t want my pre-adolescent children viewing porn, and I don’t want them thinking that it’s okay, if they do. That leads me to the reason that I wrote this post. Have my older two children, who have surpassed the previously mentioned statistical age,  ever surfed the web for pornography? Have they watched XXX movies or looked in the adult magazines?

Before talking to my children, I first decided to talk to several of my friends to get their perspective on children/teens and porn. After speaking to them, admittedly I was rather surprised at their responses. No one was as shocked and dismayed as I was. In fact, they made me feel as if I was totally overreacting and going overboard. Basically, everyone was taking it all in stride. I heard a lot of, “Their boys. What do you expect?” “It’s natural, that’s what boys do.” “Oh, girl! That’s nothing!” I seem to be the only mother/parent/person bothered by the fact that their teenage child and their friends may enjoy looking at pornographic images of women. Am I overreacting? Am I not well within my rights to be flabbergasted?

Seriously, I feel so lost. When did this become the societal norm? When did kids and porn, or teens and porn become socially acceptable? I swear, I feel so behind in the times. I completely missed the memo, in regards to this!

Back in the day, I remember the boys sneaking to look at their dad’s, uncle’s, older brother’s and cousin’s Playboy and Hustler magazines. I remember when they would cleverly watch the XXX rated video tape that was left in the VCR. Once they finished watching, they’d rewind the tape back to the exact spot where they initially found it. Point is, the kids got their hands on the porn back in the day too,  but it was accessed sneakily.

Upon speaking with my oldest boy, I nearly went into a series of convulsions, when I learned that he and his friends have adopted the same lack-a-daisy mindset, that it is normal to look at porn. They also think that it’s okay to exchange sexual images by way of their cellular phones and email accounts (which is another topic, to be discussed at a later date). They said, “Everyone does it! It’s no big deal.”

In my opinion, teens are going beyond pushing the envelope, while adults are just so carefree. I previously read an article written by another concerned mom, in regards to her teenage son watching porn on his laptop, and the comments she received were pretty nasty. She was completely villainized by the readers. For the most part, they felt like she was out of line for looking through his laptop. They said she completely embarrassed him and violated his trust. They also said that he wasn’t engaging in anything abnormally. The comments went on for days.  Although I didn’t leave a comment, I was totally on the side of the mother. I, too, feel like some things are to be reserved for adults and your adult years. I don’t think that it’s okay or acceptable for my teenage son or daughter to seek out pornographic images on the computer, their cellular phones or any other technological device. I refuse to believe that I’m the only mother/adult who feels this way. Whatever your opinion, I’d love to hear it. What’s your perspective on the matter? Have you had to deal with it? If so, how did you handle it?

All perspectives are respected.

 

You’re Grown, Huh?

It’s not to often that my biggest girl does anything shocking or anything that’ll cause my jaw to drop. For the most part, she wants to stay on my good side and off of my blog and social media rants. She treads very lightly. She knows exactly how far to go before the wrath of momma comes in and takes over. So, imagine my surprise when my “conscientious” child took it upon herself to make a decision without being totally certain that she had my 100% guaranteed approval.  Needless to say, the biggest girl has made finally made her “it’s all about you…and not in a good way” blog post debut!

Well, about a month back my soon-to-be 14 year old,  made a decision unbeknownst to me. It was a choice that left me at a complete lost for words. I was so shocked that my jaw did actually drop. I was so shocked that I’m only now able to write a post about it!

This is how the oldest gal has looked for the last two years. This is who we’re all used to seeing on a daily basis. Okay? And like this:

One night while I was sitting out at the fire pit enjoying the company of a few friends and spirits, she and the littlest boy came over to reveal that she now looks like this!

(eye bulges practically out of my head!)

Here’s another view!

Oh! And, here’s a black and white view. Yeah, she’s taking black and white photos, too! 0_O

Although cutting her hair was something that we’d briefly discussed. I was shocked that she went and did it without me. I also felt like she did it sneakily because she waited until I was outside of the house and fully engaged with friends. Then she came strutting over to the fire pit area where we were sitting with a hoodie on, let me remind you that it was 80+ degrees outside. When I questioned her about the hoodie that’s when she  revealed her “haircut”.

Smart girl, huh? To do her big reveal while I was surrounded by people who would downplay the situation and keep me calm? She had it all well planned out, if I must say so.

I guess more than anything this hair cutting situation made me realize that my biggest gal is closer to be grown up, than she is to being a baby. She’s branching out more, becoming her own person, liking her own things and using her voice…..(respectfully, of course!)

So, I am learning to loosen up and let go a little bit. I always thought I’d welcome stages like this, but I’m more sad than I am happy.

It’s not about her cutting her hair, its way bigger than that.

She’s not my little four pound, twelve ounce preemie anymore. She’s growing up.

It was bound to happen!

 

 

Piercings and Tattoos? My Boy? NO WAY!

It’s no surprise that the oldest boy has increased the amount of pressure and stepped up his daily harassment, hoping desperately to sway me into saying, “Yes. You can go get a tattoo, son!”

See, he thinks it was his tactic of never-ending harassment  that worked in his favor several weeks ago, when I finally allowed him to get his ears pierced (after three years of nonstop asking). He hasn’t figured out that it wasn’t because of his begging, constant pleading and nagging which caused him to receive my blessing with the piercing of the ears. I only said yes because I felt that he’d put enough time and thought into “why” he really wanted his ears pierced.

I have an extremely huge problem when it comes to fads and that “going along with the crowd” mentality. I don’t participate in trends and I refuse to let my child be part of a trend. I wanted to be absolutely certain that he wasn’t doing something because it’s popular or because all of his buddies are doing it, which is why it took me several years before saying yes. For me, his reason for wanting his ears pierced had to be something that he deeply desired to do with no outside influences. He doesn’t know it, but the same thing applies to getting a tattoo. I wouldn’t care if he got tattoo after tattoo after tattoo. Heck! My mom took me to get my first tattoo when I just sixteen years old, so of course I don’t have a problem with them. My only concern was, his reason behind wanting tattoos and ear piercings.

It’s been close to the two-year mark of his just having to “have a tattoo”. He’s thought it through and through. He’s even constructed what he wants to get and he’s explained the significance behind it. I must admit that it’s quite unique and I’ve never seen anyone with anything like it before. I’m pretty proud of him. Everything that I’ve instilled in him about being different, standing out, individuality and embracing his unique identity, he’s gotten it! Through both of these incidences I finally see that all of my efforts haven’t been in vain afterall.

I think it’s safe to say, the time has come for me to grant my oldest boy my blessing yet again. Tattoo numero uno soon to come!

 

My first tattoo (it’s now 19 years old). My youngest boy took this pic. Thank him for the flash and time stamp! #dontblameme

I’m Most Afraid Of

Disappointing them…..

 

I just don’t want to let them down!

No parent does.

Feet, Ankles, Parenting

I smile to keep from crying

I pray to keep from making the same mistakes twice

Parenting is not as easy I imagined it would be

before I was a parent

Grateful that I have another chance to come closer to getting it right

It’s looking very promising!

Two years ago, I wrote  a blog post about how oral sex, amongst teens had become quite  the “norm”.  I remember how stunned I was, when I learned that my teenage son and his friends were receiving oral sex from two girls who they’d grown up with since they were Kindergarten age. That was the last thing, I expected to be going on with the kids on my block.  After I came to grips with the behavior that our kids were engaging in , I had  the famous  and very long “talk” with my son.  At the conclusion of our “talk” I pretty much knew that my words had fallen on death ears. He wasn’t going to stop or turn back into my sweet, innocent and undefiled child, in fact I knew that he was only going to up the ante and push the envelope even further. His hormones had been unleashed and set free, and there was nothing that I was going to be able to do, to curtail it.

Fast forward to today, oral sex is a thing of the past and they’ve vivaciously moved on to full-blown  bang down sex! I knew this day was coming, but I never thought I’d see the day when a mother would allow teenage, high school boys (who you don’t really know) to come into her home and have sex with her daughter, as if they’re married adults.  I’m completely baffled. Am I old school? Am I out of touch?

Okay. I get it. Teens are having sex. Yes. They’re doing it, plain and simple. I get all of that. But when did it become ideal to co-sign them having sex? When did the parents start actively assisting their children and making it vastly comfortable for them to be sexually active, particularly under their own roofs?

I finally accepted that my innocent baby boy is long gone, and I only have memories of him etched into my mind to rely on. I’m just now starting to wrap my head around the fact that girls are throwing themselves at his feet and they’ve made themselves readily available to him. But what I’ve refused to ever accept is that of willing participant. As a teen especially, but not even as an adult will he EVER have my blessing when it comes to his sexual life.

If I’m stuck in the past, then so be it. That’s where I’ll stay, before I ever say it’s okay for any of my children to march someone or anyone through the doors of my house, up to their bedrooms and engage in sexual acts with them. Not happening!

Let’s have a conversation: What’s your perspective? Do I need to get with the times? Do you care about being the “cool” parent to your child and their friends? Would you allow your house to be “that” house where all the kids flock to, to get it in?

More in the Life of the Oldest Boy

 

In case you’re not sure what’s different, the boy got both his ears pierced, at the mall,  last night. Not entirely sure how I’m feeling about it. Didn’t want him to do it (never wanted either of my son’s to have pierced ears)  but he’s old enough to give a compelling argument as to why he wanted his ears pierced…..plus, he’d successfully  convinced his grandmother of it, too.

It could be worse, huh?

Affection for Our Sons is Necessary

I have a 15-year-old son and he’s hurting. Every since he was a small child, I’ve always told him that it was okay to cry, and that he could talk to me about any and everything. Maybe once, has he taken me up on that offer. As much as I talk to him, he’s very reluctant when it comes to getting things off of his chest. It’s as if he’d rather just keep everything bottled  up inside and to himself– safe from any snooping and prying eyes.

Admittedly, my mouth has always assured him that I was available and that it was okay to express himself -“cry if you have to. It’s alright for guys to cry, too!”- yet, my actions of being non-affectionate were in direct contrast to what I was actually saying with my mouth. Looking back over these last eleven years, never once did I or have I gone up to my son and hugged him, just “because”. I’ve never once went over and kissed him on the top of his head, to signify  my undying love for him. I haven’t told him verbally how much I love him. I’ll show him that I love him, all day. I have no problem with that, but I never say the words.

If ever I had a fault as a mother, it is my lack of affection towards my son. Once he surpassed the baby stage of his life all of the kissing, hugging and tickling came to a halt, when in all actuality it should’ve escalated. My lack of affection has likely impacted my son’s life in a not-so-positive-way. My shortcoming has likely shaped him into the man he will become. My advice to any mother would be: don’t leave your child, particularly our boys, to assume that we love them. They’re suppose to know without a doubt, that you love them, and the best way to do that is by saying it……and offering up a hug every once in a while.

For mothers similar to me, where your child is older and closer to being grown than they are to beong a baby? Good news!It’s not too late! If ever there was a time that these teens need to hear the words, “I love you” and receive an embrace……it is now!

My progress of becoming more affectionate will be shared in future posts. Wish me luck!