Listen, hear and process the valuable lessons that are being handed down and over to them.
Nothing satisfies a mother/parent more than knowing that they’ve efficiently equipped their children to handle the ways of this world!
Two years ago, I wrote a blog post about how oral sex, amongst teens had become quite the “norm”. I remember how stunned I was, when I learned that my teenage son and his friends were receiving oral sex from two girls who they’d grown up with since they were Kindergarten age. That was the last thing, I expected to be going on with the kids on my block. After I came to grips with the behavior that our kids were engaging in , I had the famous and very long “talk” with my son. At the conclusion of our “talk” I pretty much knew that my words had fallen on death ears. He wasn’t going to stop or turn back into my sweet, innocent and undefiled child, in fact I knew that he was only going to up the ante and push the envelope even further. His hormones had been unleashed and set free, and there was nothing that I was going to be able to do, to curtail it.
Fast forward to today, oral sex is a thing of the past and they’ve vivaciously moved on to full-blown bang down sex! I knew this day was coming, but I never thought I’d see the day when a mother would allow teenage, high school boys (who you don’t really know) to come into her home and have sex with her daughter, as if they’re married adults. I’m completely baffled. Am I old school? Am I out of touch?
Okay. I get it. Teens are having sex. Yes. They’re doing it, plain and simple. I get all of that. But when did it become ideal to co-sign them having sex? When did the parents start actively assisting their children and making it vastly comfortable for them to be sexually active, particularly under their own roofs?
I finally accepted that my innocent baby boy is long gone, and I only have memories of him etched into my mind to rely on. I’m just now starting to wrap my head around the fact that girls are throwing themselves at his feet and they’ve made themselves readily available to him. But what I’ve refused to ever accept is that of willing participant. As a teen especially, but not even as an adult will he EVER have my blessing when it comes to his sexual life.
If I’m stuck in the past, then so be it. That’s where I’ll stay, before I ever say it’s okay for any of my children to march someone or anyone through the doors of my house, up to their bedrooms and engage in sexual acts with them. Not happening!
Let’s have a conversation: What’s your perspective? Do I need to get with the times? Do you care about being the “cool” parent to your child and their friends? Would you allow your house to be “that” house where all the kids flock to, to get it in?
For a person whose never had a jealous or envious bone in her body, I’m sure getting swamped with a lot of ’em nowadays, huh? Well, here goes:
I’ll be the first to say that I’m rather envious of all my family members and friends (all of which are single mothers….just really realized that! Hmm) who are becoming empty-nesters or who are at least getting some of their children “out-of-the-way”. Now there! I said it…. well, typed it!
I am so longing to have just a little teeny tiny wee bit of the freedom and life that they’re about to have.
Only to come and go as I please, without having to check that everyone is buckled snuggly in the backseat. No lugging of diaper bags, strollers and extra changes of clothes. No booster and car seats. Only me. I could play my music as loudly as I want to, without a tiny hand tapping me on the shoulder to ask me a question that only a little person would ask. I could downsize from my massive SUV to a cute little foreign…..well maybe not foreign…..but a fancy smancy AMERICAN convertible sports car. OMG! Here’s the biggie: there’d be no more loose french fries dropped under or between the cracks of the seats! No more wrappers, clothes, shoes or trash sprawled all over my back seats. The carpet wouldn’t be trampled upon and the seats would bear no accidental pencil markings. Oh! That’ll be the life!
I yearn to stay hidden underneath my covers past the rising of the sun, Monday through Friday. I can’t wait to not think about school lunches and afterschool activities. No children needs before my own. No real responsibility, but myself.
Well, I have a super-duper long way to go before I’m an empty nester, seeing that my youngest child has yet to reach the age of two. But, I can see the horizon because I have just three years before my oldest moves on to a life beyond his high school years, then immediately after him, child number two will yield to the same fate. Though I’ll remain active in my children’s life, as long as there’s life in this body of mines, I just won’t have to be so hands-on and it won’t consume all of me!
I’ll be able to have an identity yet again. I’ll be able to make choices solely based on what I want and I won’t have any reason to feel guilty!
But until that time comes, I’ll continue to fulfill the roles that I’ve obligated myself to while living vicariously through the eyes of all the empty-nesters surrounding me!
Good night, Dei-Dei….night Ma!
My entire life , well for as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to the best! No exception. I had to have the biggest and I had to be the best. Nothing that even closely resembled failure was welcomed anywhere near me. I wouldn’t accept anything less than the best. I credit my brother with inspiring me to take on this mindset. My brother was always so smart, effortlessly. He was good at every single thing that he did, effortlessly. He was just a natural at being the best. I used to want to be just like him. I had to work at being smart and all that, but I worked and I did it.
That’s pretty much my background. Now what I want and need to know is this, does that kind of determination and mindset tend to skip a generation? How did my brother and I end up with it and my kids (with the exception of Baby Zay, we don’t know about her yet, since she’s still so young) not get even a teeny tiny drop of it?
Thus far, my children care NOTHING about being the smartest in their class. They don’t care about getting good grades. They could care less about being at the head of their class. None of that matters to them.
I’ve tried everything to motivate them to get better grades. Rewards. Punishments. Taking away of ALL electronics. Isolation. Still Nada!
In the meantime, my classmates from high school get to login to Facebook and show their kids off! They get to brag that they’re kids are on the honor roll, the Principal’s list, the National Honor society and blah, blah, blah, blah. I’m left wondering, is this what envy feels like?
The oldest two of my bunch are only 18 months apart. I’ve had to endure the ongoing feuding and what seems like the never-ending rivalry between these two, pretty much for the last 12 years. Now at the ages of 13 and 14, they’re hardly ever cordial to one another (when they are, it’s VERY SHORT LIVED). The constant bickering, arguing, jabbing, poking, bashing and the sabotaging of each others personal items has reached new heights, and quite frankly ANNOYING! In the process of diligently trying to irritate each other (each and every chance they get) I’m always the one irritated! I have reached the end of my wits, and have started rationing out harsh (well, what I’ve deemed as being harsh) punishments for the initiator and participant (just my fancy smancy way of saying, both of them are now getting in trouble each and every time an argument ensues or sabotaging occurs). Punishments include: no T.V., no computers, no cell phone, no landline, no communication with anyone outside of our home. I literally try to make their lives as miserable as they’re making mines, yet this rivalry lives on!
At this point, I need to know when does it get better because I’m at the end of my wits? I keep hearing, “they’ll grow out of it”. WHEN? I’ve heard, “they’re gonna wind up being the best of friends.” Well, can I fast-forward to that point NOW?!? I want to enjoy my children! It won’t be long before they’re ready to leave the nest, and the only memories of them that I’ll have are ones where their at each others necks!. I definitely need the anecdote to put an end to their sibling rivalry! I want to stop dreaming of the day when they both move away, and start loving all of our family moments together!
…..this too shall pass? When?